these few days, waking up in the morning is like having an open wound on my heart. everything dat's fresh and disturbing and dat's not suppose to be feeling, its there. just like an open wound, exposed n vulnerable. very un-settling. feels the pain. and i'll spend the whole day cleaning up the wound. with maybe a lil bit of antiseptic(self denial), cotton wool(ignorance) and maybe some iodine(frens) n of cos gauze n bandage(smiles n cheerfulness) to finally dress e wound up. and then i'll go to slp. mind you, i haven been able to slp peacefully. been tossing arnd. wonder why. or i'll wake up in the middle of the night n den cant go back to slp. n if i do get back to slp, i'l drm of something that i don't think abt(ignorance n self denial when im conscious) n i'll wake up with the same open wound again. gauze n e bandage all ripped off. apparently i have alot of issues to settle but i just leave it hanging, hoping it'll go away. but i noe it wont. so i gonna start doing abit now before i go to work.

sabariah abdul rashid, i noe this may not mean anything but i have this urgency to tell you. i love you very much. very much. n u'll always be part of me.

and in life. you may not get what you want. and we tend to forget that the ones that we really need is just right in front of us. and we go searching, wondering why aren we happy. you get wat i mean right. this is just a reminder for myself.

and have you felt or tried to feel so happy for someone else that it actually tears you? or how other ppl's love is rather overwhelming that it leaves you breatheless. i've had that moments. alot of it actually.from my frens who are in a r/s.or my married uncs n aunts or my fren's parent's marriages. seen their ups n downs. and when its at the UP moment, everything seems so wonderful and cheery and just full of bliss and love that everything seems alrite but when its down, it hurts like hell. but then again, the UP moments weighs more compared to the down moments so that's why there are still ppl in r/s. and when my mind do wonder why ppl are in r/s despite the pain, i dun haf to look far. i have frens like aish, fiza, sab, ro to prove the point... love heals everything.

in the process of blogging, i've actually did some self healing which is good cos i cant go to work with heavy baggage ya. and meeting aish in the morn will be great. i miss her lots. hah.

you sacrifice alot, hoping to make the other party happy. even when it means you not getting wat you want. and when the sacrifice is alot, of cos it means alot right? just trying to point that out. i do things because i care not bcos its fun.

& daphne, my dear. just be happy okay.

and i've found a job. it may not be a real dream job. but i found one. more on designing. and its every day 12-9 pm. so im nt gonna have a life cos i hope this is for real.