just strength to thru obstacles in life. syukur alhamdulillah.
had a nasty fall yest nite. to the extend that i cant do my routines properly. grrr.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
been awhile since i last blog.been doing a lot of thinking. of wat? i dunno.
just random tots. of things that had happened to me.
ive changed alot. i hope in a good way. ppl ive met, circumstances i went thru.
arh. had a rough morning. somehow. haha just flashbacks of 1 yr ago. hmm. sorry im still brooding over it. but hey its part of me.
oh. deep tots buried in me. dare not question it out, cos i noe it seems more like rhetorical questions. tho i do question some to YOU booba.
i guess some things are best felt not explained.
just random tots. of things that had happened to me.
ive changed alot. i hope in a good way. ppl ive met, circumstances i went thru.
arh. had a rough morning. somehow. haha just flashbacks of 1 yr ago. hmm. sorry im still brooding over it. but hey its part of me.
oh. deep tots buried in me. dare not question it out, cos i noe it seems more like rhetorical questions. tho i do question some to YOU booba.
i guess some things are best felt not explained.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
haven gt the chance to blog. well now i do.
im jealous. of u booba! haha one day i'll get that feeling. just you wait. *grin*
i don't wanna mention anything here. am afraid i'll get disappointed.
ermmm. the past few days been good i guess.
grrrrrrrrr. nth to update. hmmmm. *thinks hard*
ermm. im feeling rather contented with the way things are. cant be more happier. for now.
dunno why. cant explain the feelings. maybe i got my feelings sorted out. internally. the songs. the peeps i have. tho work sux. i guess its the jogs. it releases extra endorphins--the way chocolate does to people. *grins*
im jealous. of u booba! haha one day i'll get that feeling. just you wait. *grin*
i don't wanna mention anything here. am afraid i'll get disappointed.
ermmm. the past few days been good i guess.
grrrrrrrrr. nth to update. hmmmm. *thinks hard*
ermm. im feeling rather contented with the way things are. cant be more happier. for now.
dunno why. cant explain the feelings. maybe i got my feelings sorted out. internally. the songs. the peeps i have. tho work sux. i guess its the jogs. it releases extra endorphins--the way chocolate does to people. *grins*
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
i guess things happens for a reason.
im glad i got it figured out.
im glad U got it figured out dear. tings happen for a reason. if its not now, den soon, when u r ready. love ya.
i wish that things wont change. my heart wont change. the surroundings wont change. n u guys wont change. and i'll remain this happy. with nothing to worry bout. but sadly. things change. and im afraid of that. i dont wanna fall for anyone. i don't wanna go thru that heartache. i don't wanna go thru emotional turmoil. i dun wanna face up to anything cos seriously, im quite happy the way i am now. i don't want to meet anyone, i don't wanna give anyone a chance. its sickening i guess. knowing dat the r/s arnd got screwed up somehow. i dislike guys. for now. my liking for them is not enough for me to fall for them.
life's pretty screwd up itself, but im sure things will get better cos everything is pre-planned. u dun question.
im glad i got it figured out.
im glad U got it figured out dear. tings happen for a reason. if its not now, den soon, when u r ready. love ya.
i wish that things wont change. my heart wont change. the surroundings wont change. n u guys wont change. and i'll remain this happy. with nothing to worry bout. but sadly. things change. and im afraid of that. i dont wanna fall for anyone. i don't wanna go thru that heartache. i don't wanna go thru emotional turmoil. i dun wanna face up to anything cos seriously, im quite happy the way i am now. i don't want to meet anyone, i don't wanna give anyone a chance. its sickening i guess. knowing dat the r/s arnd got screwed up somehow. i dislike guys. for now. my liking for them is not enough for me to fall for them.
life's pretty screwd up itself, but im sure things will get better cos everything is pre-planned. u dun question.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
arhhhh... malas nak layan...
i wont bother to show that i care anymore...
silence IS bliss
i wont bother to show that i care anymore...
silence IS bliss
oooh. my throat is very swollen. cant talk properly. i feel so sick.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
im frustrated. thinking about what i wanna do in my life. this job is boring. nothing close to what i aspire to do in my life. all i do is just sit down and click the mouse to get drawings out. i cant do something that is deskbound. this is pathetic. i wanna venture into social working or maybe food business ( revive back my roots).
i don't get the satisfaction from doing this. selfish maybe. not fulfiling at all.
i wanna change job..................
god pls help me.
i have so much to say. this frustration. the excitement i had when i saw the light but it started to diminish when i saw the admission requirements. i need to talk to someone bout this. i need opinions. useful ones. bleuk.
and i have no intention of getting close to any guy. get this right k suh.
i don't get the satisfaction from doing this. selfish maybe. not fulfiling at all.
i wanna change job..................
god pls help me.
i have so much to say. this frustration. the excitement i had when i saw the light but it started to diminish when i saw the admission requirements. i need to talk to someone bout this. i need opinions. useful ones. bleuk.
and i have no intention of getting close to any guy. get this right k suh.
remember this.there are two sides to a coin. whatever we believe, love or hate, there is always another to it that we cant live without for it to happen.
you'll remain as just someone distant. let HIM plan everything. i have faith...
let me elaborate on my previous post. its my colleague. he's not a toad.not someone mean. just that when i first entered the office, i tot he has nice pretty dimples. n i tot he was cute. in a manly way. it was nvr a romantic feeling towards him. just someone that i lookED up to. but it changed somehow after i sat beside him. lil things that he did makes ermm very indonesian or philipines maybe? haha i dun wanna say much. im entitled to my own opinion.
you'll remain as just someone distant. let HIM plan everything. i have faith...
let me elaborate on my previous post. its my colleague. he's not a toad.not someone mean. just that when i first entered the office, i tot he has nice pretty dimples. n i tot he was cute. in a manly way. it was nvr a romantic feeling towards him. just someone that i lookED up to. but it changed somehow after i sat beside him. lil things that he did makes ermm very indonesian or philipines maybe? haha i dun wanna say much. im entitled to my own opinion.
Monday, August 08, 2005
my prince charming is now a toad....
and im very sleepy......
and im very sleepy......
Friday, August 05, 2005
im bored n fiza said update blog. so here i am!
haha. why do i start wearing tudung? have nvr managed to ans that qn properly with clear cut answers.
there are so many factors that add up to the decision to wear one.
had been thinking of wearing it long before i broke up with him. but circumstances at that point of time din allow me to carry out my intentions. and so i had ivp and school all that. so i kept the intentions to myself. till of cos end of skool. and then i have those trial lion red trgs and then 4pm volunteering stuffs. and work and situations(serrano interior design, camp, frens) that happened inbetween just made me more determined. and yesh.. so here i am.
anyway. im so afraid of the future. afraid of the things that may happen. dun ask why or what. the fear is there. again. there are factors that i do not wanna share that made me started so these factors gonna make me stay rooted to the ground and rempuh whatever obstacles coming along... and whatever i am searching for has to be the way i want it to be. booba... get it?
hmmmmmm..
i lyk this song alot. by kelly rowland...
clover walked in
In his baggy jeans and his Prada shoes
He had a nice shirt, nice scent, nice ice
But he's not the one--the one I'd choose
He was the type I never had
Country and thug with lots of class
Something inside me made me hesitate
So I made him wait
Didn't think he was the one to treat me right
Until he found the love I tried to hide
He said
Love Lives in strange places
Its the obvious, that never shows now,
it just might find you
when you least expect ityou'll never know,
you'll never know
until you just let go
Now my baby sister's got a two way
And a cell phone
She's always happy when she gets a page
But that's not love, girl, that's not a home
Real love isn't digital, isn't physical
It's the one that can reach inside
And you don't know why, but it makes you whole
So if you want the one who reaches deep
Let him see the you that's underneath
It's in the corners of the sky
In the shadows of your mind
The unexpected suddenly
Like the child of destiny
No, you can't control the way
So just have faith
so nice rite the lyrics. i like it alot. how true. hmmmm.. just have faith ya.
haha. why do i start wearing tudung? have nvr managed to ans that qn properly with clear cut answers.
there are so many factors that add up to the decision to wear one.
had been thinking of wearing it long before i broke up with him. but circumstances at that point of time din allow me to carry out my intentions. and so i had ivp and school all that. so i kept the intentions to myself. till of cos end of skool. and then i have those trial lion red trgs and then 4pm volunteering stuffs. and work and situations(serrano interior design, camp, frens) that happened inbetween just made me more determined. and yesh.. so here i am.
anyway. im so afraid of the future. afraid of the things that may happen. dun ask why or what. the fear is there. again. there are factors that i do not wanna share that made me started so these factors gonna make me stay rooted to the ground and rempuh whatever obstacles coming along... and whatever i am searching for has to be the way i want it to be. booba... get it?
hmmmmmm..
i lyk this song alot. by kelly rowland...
clover walked in
In his baggy jeans and his Prada shoes
He had a nice shirt, nice scent, nice ice
But he's not the one--the one I'd choose
He was the type I never had
Country and thug with lots of class
Something inside me made me hesitate
So I made him wait
Didn't think he was the one to treat me right
Until he found the love I tried to hide
He said
Love Lives in strange places
Its the obvious, that never shows now,
it just might find you
when you least expect ityou'll never know,
you'll never know
until you just let go
Now my baby sister's got a two way
And a cell phone
She's always happy when she gets a page
But that's not love, girl, that's not a home
Real love isn't digital, isn't physical
It's the one that can reach inside
And you don't know why, but it makes you whole
So if you want the one who reaches deep
Let him see the you that's underneath
It's in the corners of the sky
In the shadows of your mind
The unexpected suddenly
Like the child of destiny
No, you can't control the way
So just have faith
so nice rite the lyrics. i like it alot. how true. hmmmm.. just have faith ya.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
k peeps i got my line back. hmmm... yeah. it took me this long. think im better off with a fone eh? seems to make no diff to me.
i posted something, somehow its gone. o well...
i cant focus on my work. its just too dready...
i read his blog. been ages since i last went there. and ya he din update since then. i miss him alot. somehow as a friend. army changed us, our r/s-frenship alot i guess. i had so much hope on him. if i were to blame anyone for wat i am feeling now, it had to be me. everything happens for a reason and i believe that whatever he did bear valid reasons which its not meant for me to know yet or understand. like what i said, GOD wont give you what you cant handle. oh, just how much i miss those times, our conversations till dawn. things we know bout each other its beyond comparable. we were close once, n drifted. again we gt close and nw gt drifted again, i hope if we do regain our friendship back, it'll be just as special and long lasting. insya allah. note- just friends will be enough. i think. i love him as a fren very much.
and matin. he is another crazy fren of mine that i don't wanna lose. love him lots too. as a fren k. nt more den that.
i cant focus on my work. its just too dready...
i read his blog. been ages since i last went there. and ya he din update since then. i miss him alot. somehow as a friend. army changed us, our r/s-frenship alot i guess. i had so much hope on him. if i were to blame anyone for wat i am feeling now, it had to be me. everything happens for a reason and i believe that whatever he did bear valid reasons which its not meant for me to know yet or understand. like what i said, GOD wont give you what you cant handle. oh, just how much i miss those times, our conversations till dawn. things we know bout each other its beyond comparable. we were close once, n drifted. again we gt close and nw gt drifted again, i hope if we do regain our friendship back, it'll be just as special and long lasting. insya allah. note- just friends will be enough. i think. i love him as a fren very much.
and matin. he is another crazy fren of mine that i don't wanna lose. love him lots too. as a fren k. nt more den that.
muahaha.
heh i like my new skin. got moo moo. stars and pink. nice rite.
im lazy to do my own skin already. soon. when i have a one week holiday.(which i doubt will ever happen unless i gt a reply from whichever i sign on for)
niway i hope by tmr i'll get back my line
and i miss my 4pm peeps. mariam...fotos eh?
me, malik n fiza at tumbletots. had fun there! thanks darls for the company.
haha i duno where or who took this pic( i haf a feeling its fiza) but this is ME. muahaha
us. we three. i love you guys.
oh.. aish, fiza n me!
haha i lyk this pic. thats xinyi!
me and aish. i love u babe. come out wit us often. muacks. erh i look damn chubby lah.
heh i like my new skin. got moo moo. stars and pink. nice rite.
im lazy to do my own skin already. soon. when i have a one week holiday.(which i doubt will ever happen unless i gt a reply from whichever i sign on for)
niway i hope by tmr i'll get back my line
and i miss my 4pm peeps. mariam...fotos eh?
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
graduation pics from fiza darl.
me, malik n fiza at tumbletots. had fun there! thanks darls for the company.
haha i duno where or who took this pic( i haf a feeling its fiza) but this is ME. muahaha
us. we three. i love you guys.
oh.. aish, fiza n me!
haha i lyk this pic. thats xinyi!
me and aish. i love u babe. come out wit us often. muacks. erh i look damn chubby lah.
it is true said that, GOD wont give you what you cant handle...
im still disturbed by the past. im terrified of the punishment for it...
im still sorry bout the saturday. not sure how to ask for forgiveness. scared. i'll try my best to make up for it. so sorry.
im feeling rather nt myself today. i don't feel the way i was. okay. its not only today. its the past few days. im not focus in whatever i do or did. and when i do get excited about something, the feelings 'll got lost midway...back to the slumber me. i'll be too caught up in my own tots, my own world that i forget things easily. thus explain y i can be such a blur. i admit. i am blur (to mariam). hah. im sorry. if i did leave u guys out of my world. my own tots. just forgive me ya...
why? y am i feeling inadequate? hmmm. past tots always seems to haunt me. its not impt wat it is, but why issit still arnd? if to say i hate you, it seems irrelevant or just plain dumb. and if its bcos i still have feelings for you, its impossible. arh... i don't even noe wat is this entry about. incoherency eh..
everything is kept inside.
down...
downnn...
downnnnnnnnnnn...
just hope things get better soon... the sky will be brighter.... and what?
heh.
i thnk its the weather.
clownish me.
this phrase runs deep...
im still disturbed by the past. im terrified of the punishment for it...
im still sorry bout the saturday. not sure how to ask for forgiveness. scared. i'll try my best to make up for it. so sorry.
Monday, August 01, 2005
tots. n bored
i've realised that maybe, me being such an ignorant person, in some way, i did hurt some people's feelings. i feel out of place at times. not knowing why.im feeling rather nt myself today. i don't feel the way i was. okay. its not only today. its the past few days. im not focus in whatever i do or did. and when i do get excited about something, the feelings 'll got lost midway...back to the slumber me. i'll be too caught up in my own tots, my own world that i forget things easily. thus explain y i can be such a blur. i admit. i am blur (to mariam). hah. im sorry. if i did leave u guys out of my world. my own tots. just forgive me ya...
why? y am i feeling inadequate? hmmm. past tots always seems to haunt me. its not impt wat it is, but why issit still arnd? if to say i hate you, it seems irrelevant or just plain dumb. and if its bcos i still have feelings for you, its impossible. arh... i don't even noe wat is this entry about. incoherency eh..
everything is kept inside.
down...
downnn...
downnnnnnnnnnn...
just hope things get better soon... the sky will be brighter.... and what?
heh.
i thnk its the weather.
clownish me.
this phrase runs deep...