eh how?! i feel like gg to slp and shut myself up. or just shout out to the world.
i wanna cry and break down.
i got bloody submissions this week.
im not gg anywhere. till i finish them. im feeling frigging piss. you always piss me off. back off!
okay. im cracking my brain on how to do the language module test. damn difficult can. haha i only got myself to blame for not listening in class. o well. nt entirely my fault cos most of the time, they were discussing politics so i chose to shut my ears. heh
and i got scolding yest, cos i din lock the door when i left the hse for work. i was rushing ar. haha
went to sentosa today and i become super dark. again.
n i got weird qns asked. " are you malay or indian?" wat the hell? haha must the indian be there? just because he cant ask whether im chinese or malay, he must ask me whether im malay or indian. haha damn am i that dark? and yeah. am i malay or indonesian? *rolls eyes* wth?
blame it on mixed marriage. phillipines, indonesian, eurasian(i think dat girl din noe wat eurasian means ar), thailand, myanmmar and all that. its abit too irritating you know. haha
i get this all the time. even my classmates thought i was a foreign student during the orientation period. bleh.
erm, im getting grouchy and moody. pms i guess. i just want to be alone for some time. dunno where all my tots goes to but i just want to stone. haha so yeah.
and sab, no fret. suh's here. haha muacks.
and i got scolding yest, cos i din lock the door when i left the hse for work. i was rushing ar. haha
went to sentosa today and i become super dark. again.
n i got weird qns asked. " are you malay or indian?" wat the hell? haha must the indian be there? just because he cant ask whether im chinese or malay, he must ask me whether im malay or indian. haha damn am i that dark? and yeah. am i malay or indonesian? *rolls eyes* wth?
blame it on mixed marriage. phillipines, indonesian, eurasian(i think dat girl din noe wat eurasian means ar), thailand, myanmmar and all that. its abit too irritating you know. haha
i get this all the time. even my classmates thought i was a foreign student during the orientation period. bleh.
erm, im getting grouchy and moody. pms i guess. i just want to be alone for some time. dunno where all my tots goes to but i just want to stone. haha so yeah.
and sab, no fret. suh's here. haha muacks.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
phuck. my heart aches. i drmt of someone. it felt so real, somewhat good. but it had to end. i've been dreaming. of the angels. y do you guys keep coming into my drms? hmmm mayb you guys are always on my tots. really, you are. and i felt like ive been running all my life in my dream. i feel damn lethargic. heh
i read a book, by marian keyes. the other side of the story.
a quote out of the book
"why can't we love the right people? What is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? Why are we given emotions which we cannot control and which move in exact contradiction to what we really want? We are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs and if human beings were cars, we would return them for being faulty. Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?"
why? can anyone answer them? i doubt so. its just some rhetorical questions.
as much as i tried, it still goes back to you.
anyhoo, yest was good. yeah i came late but hey i did come rite? haha
vic n candy just had to leave, so went shopping with ro. haha my pleasure. it feels grt to see someone shop. *evil grin*
and ro damn suaku eh. haha totally. and i drmt abt your card holder. haha dunno y.
i've gt somethin on ltr and i totally don't have black skirt. and im sitting here taking my own sweet time. o well. i like to take my own sweet time.
i wonder how it feels like. to fake your death and run away. for that, you get a new life. no one knows you and you can start all over. its impossible to do that in singapore ar.
erh. i gt nth much to say. its ONLY sat. yah. right.
i read a book, by marian keyes. the other side of the story.
a quote out of the book
"why can't we love the right people? What is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? Why are we given emotions which we cannot control and which move in exact contradiction to what we really want? We are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs and if human beings were cars, we would return them for being faulty. Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?"
why? can anyone answer them? i doubt so. its just some rhetorical questions.
as much as i tried, it still goes back to you.
anyhoo, yest was good. yeah i came late but hey i did come rite? haha
vic n candy just had to leave, so went shopping with ro. haha my pleasure. it feels grt to see someone shop. *evil grin*
and ro damn suaku eh. haha totally. and i drmt abt your card holder. haha dunno y.
i've gt somethin on ltr and i totally don't have black skirt. and im sitting here taking my own sweet time. o well. i like to take my own sweet time.
i wonder how it feels like. to fake your death and run away. for that, you get a new life. no one knows you and you can start all over. its impossible to do that in singapore ar.
erh. i gt nth much to say. its ONLY sat. yah. right.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
i know. plenty of entries today.
im not myself ar.
its amazing how different one is on and off the blog. yeah. whatever they say or type or whatever ar.
i don't understand alot of things. and im trying to get a grip of myself.
am i being to hard on myself. am i forcing myself to smile too much. am i too nice. am i too easy going.
saw the friendster pics. it brought back angst in me.
why are emotions complicated?
i have alot of sides to me. the ones that i've not shown are the ones that i will never want to show. but they say if you bottle it up for too long, you'll crumble real bad one day.
is that true? hmm i can't seem to make myself cry. about anything. im too cold? i don't know.
i just don't want to get myself hurt. yeah. im not ready.
im not myself ar.
its amazing how different one is on and off the blog. yeah. whatever they say or type or whatever ar.
i don't understand alot of things. and im trying to get a grip of myself.
am i being to hard on myself. am i forcing myself to smile too much. am i too nice. am i too easy going.
saw the friendster pics. it brought back angst in me.
why are emotions complicated?
i have alot of sides to me. the ones that i've not shown are the ones that i will never want to show. but they say if you bottle it up for too long, you'll crumble real bad one day.
is that true? hmm i can't seem to make myself cry. about anything. im too cold? i don't know.
i just don't want to get myself hurt. yeah. im not ready.
okay, after talking to makcik fiza, i suddenly feel stupid.
hmm bout what im feeling.
im just bored lah. with whatever is going on.
i need some excitement.
i need to keep myself busy. hmmm. like with what? like im not any busy.
its just stupid. heh
hmm bout what im feeling.
im just bored lah. with whatever is going on.
i need some excitement.
i need to keep myself busy. hmmm. like with what? like im not any busy.
its just stupid. heh
hmm i like the poems from this fren of daph. i really do. somehow i know what she meant. talented lady ya.
just like this one.
just like this one.
i don't understand why
each time i feel that i lost my faith
in you. in the things that people do.
but i understood why
u lost your focus
each time something new comes along the way
coz in you. there's another you
a fickleness that leads you astray.
i juz sat and watch you everytime
and did no more than just to go away.
ouch... it hurts in my heart that way
but made me learn more about myself each day
'coz in any path and choice that you make
baby, you know... I would give way...
hmmm. yah.
y am i even bothered. sigh. suddenly feel shitty. argh whatever.
i was just thinking. how much i've tried, denying myself that im happy being single.
hmmm. maybe i am happy afterall. being single all that.
but i do envy my darl ones. like fiza, aish or anyone with a special someone. i don't feel inadequate when they do talk about their other half. its just that, i miss those times. im pissed at myself cos i find it hard to admit it. don't ask what is that "it" cos im find it hard to even type it out. i like to think that i can live by myself. im enjoying myself as an individual that its nt bothering me but i feel weird. why? im not making efforts. hmmmrp. im feeling eeky. don't know why. urgh. like i said before, its contradicting. i like it the way it is now. but i don't know what i want. i've a problem. very big one. i don't think i wanna share. haha i want to leave it as it is but i cant.
cos its bugging me. bugger! heh don't think. haha
oh and i like to get my facts right. thus explains why i like to request ppl to repeat whatever they say. its not that im pekak k. its to reconfirm what ive heard. im feeling slpy. heh.
when i first set my eyes on it, i knew i wanted to get that thing. it wont matter how much effort i gonna take or whatever. i just feel like i got to get it asap. really. its keeping me on my toes. i can't stop thinking about it. thus explain my impulsiveness to call her. *smiles* cant wait to get it. muahahaha i hope i've got enough time and i want to do as much work as possible. enthu ar! hahahaha cant wait lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh heh heh heh
had a weird dream. about crocodiles. if i remembered correctly there were few angels arnd. and i was trying to save this croc. it got stuck in a small pithole. and i was trying to get it out but at the same time it was trying to bite me. and then vic n sab kaypo only. haha then suddenly the croc is in a pond and sab was sitting on it, dunno do what. haha then i just quickly asked her to get out. then the croc almost snapped her but yeah sab was saved lah. heh. haha i really wonder. i do think drms do have meanings. and MIND you, i wasn even thinking bt croc, or sab or vic or the girls. i was too dead tired that i slpt like a pig and woke up late. hmmm wonder wonder wonder.
where got time to think abt all this. i've only got my work on my mind and of cos some minor stuffs ar but yeah.
went physio with candy. haha her therapist quite cute ar. nice tan and toned body. but she short ar. hahah cos she shorter den me what. she got dat "sey" ar but not my type or standard. i don't idolise ppl. i only love myself. haha den after that went shopping with candy again. at town and tampines mall. hahahahaha shiok ar. duno y * do the shoulder thing* hahaha
i think i'll suffer if i dont have enough freedom. i hate it when ppl tell me what to do. i hate it when i cant express my thoughts. i hate it when i lose my rights to do the things i want to do.
hmmm let's just say, i love freedom. really. i'll get irritated real bad if someone orders me arnd. i'll probably not do it just bcos you ask me to. heh. and im stubborn. strong headed. but of cos this only applies to people i don't like.
i haven been reading ppl's blog religously. wanna know why? cos im lazy. of cos. heh.
and that piece of news that u told me. ahah shock the hell out of me. but it doesn matter lah. cos ur NOT mine. haha *rolls eyes*
i do get irritated sometimes. by some kaypoh aunties or don't have to be aunties. just those working women that likes to yak alot sometimes gets me irritated. as long im part of their conversation. heh totally. i don't understand chinese language eh. *rolls eyes*
oh. i've tried the sotong stick. ermm. nice. with chilli even nicer. yummy.
cats huh? i cant have cats. but i love cats. i adore cats. haha BUT yah im allergic to them. o well. you cant have everything right?
trg's attendance. HMMMM. okay lah. haha don't know what to say but as usual, shiok ar.
haha the games. hahaha we can play more of this after ivp ya?
wat else? don't know. just tired.
ermm. i was just thinking. in whatever we do. its not impossible to accomplish anything. as long as your heart and your mind is into it. it's all in the mind. im still intrigued by how our mind works.
and as much i tried to conceal my feelings, it will definitely resurface. heh i don't really know what to say but to just let it be. m tired of running and meandering arnd the situation itself.
nothing will happen, if its not said. you want it but at the same time you don't want it. contradicting. that pisses me off sometimes. sigh.
i cant rem wat i did on friday. oh yah. my unc hse. gd food. and yeah my fam. *smiles*
ermm yeah. yest. which is sat. wasnt suppose to go out. but for the sake of playing, i din't really care but it was grt fun. another achievement added on to the list. plates champion kerperr.. im still laughing at my stupid incident. and that farah so called "support". like totally support. hahaha. im still laughing while typing this.
just too funny. haha but it was all fun i guess.
oh. im super dark. tell me, what's new?
oh and suzi. im sorry for not coming. i wld haf probably gotten home arnd 11 if i did go ur hse and that wld haf made my unc really go berserk. so its all abt compromise ya? haha sorry babe. niway love ya. i wonder who won the award.
oh yah. vicki. arthur kerperrr... hahah
m feeling weird. don't really know how to describe it.
i love playing touch rugby. its all about testing myself. i love the angels. they crack me up all the time. i don't want to graduate. i don't want to leave the team. i don't want to be separated from sab, liza, candy, vic, farah and daph n von n ann. can i not? i dont want to stop coming dwn for trgs after classes. i still want nazhan as the coach. i want to go jalan hari raya, chinese new yr, xmas, camps with them. i want to play all the tournies with them. i want to remain in the same team. 3 yrs is not enough. will our frenship remains the same? argh. i want to play alongside them all my life if i can. you guys knows who you are right? time flies very fast.
but sadly life has to move on. it seems like lion red is my only way out. and candy, pls take care of yourself k. hope it'll get better real soon. it feels sucky to be out of the team real soon. heh
feeling emo.
i kind of dislike hospital. brings back traumatic memories. trip to there kind of drain me emotionally and physically. im really exhausted now.
in the morn, someone just had to piss me off. i don't understand y im even bothered but he just piss me off. get this right if YOU r reading this. STOP pissing me off will ya? don't do it purposely just to see my reaction. cos im not able to tolerate it. heh
today just seems so draggy. think i need a rest first. den im gonna do my work. really. tonight.
oh. hospital just suck at the moment.
and i cant seem to be bothered abt anything. nt feeling good ar.
hmmm. maybe i am happy afterall. being single all that.
but i do envy my darl ones. like fiza, aish or anyone with a special someone. i don't feel inadequate when they do talk about their other half. its just that, i miss those times. im pissed at myself cos i find it hard to admit it. don't ask what is that "it" cos im find it hard to even type it out. i like to think that i can live by myself. im enjoying myself as an individual that its nt bothering me but i feel weird. why? im not making efforts. hmmmrp. im feeling eeky. don't know why. urgh. like i said before, its contradicting. i like it the way it is now. but i don't know what i want. i've a problem. very big one. i don't think i wanna share. haha i want to leave it as it is but i cant.
cos its bugging me. bugger! heh don't think. haha
oh and i like to get my facts right. thus explains why i like to request ppl to repeat whatever they say. its not that im pekak k. its to reconfirm what ive heard. im feeling slpy. heh.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
hmmm...
went to skool today. skipped the architecture talk. went shopping with fiza, aish, nasir and malik. haha it was good. having them arnd. asking for opinion. seriously, i think im crazy abt the reef slippers now. feel like getting it asap which i think is possible cos i'll be getting some cash.when i first set my eyes on it, i knew i wanted to get that thing. it wont matter how much effort i gonna take or whatever. i just feel like i got to get it asap. really. its keeping me on my toes. i can't stop thinking about it. thus explain my impulsiveness to call her. *smiles* cant wait to get it. muahahaha i hope i've got enough time and i want to do as much work as possible. enthu ar! hahahaha cant wait lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh heh heh heh
had a weird dream. about crocodiles. if i remembered correctly there were few angels arnd. and i was trying to save this croc. it got stuck in a small pithole. and i was trying to get it out but at the same time it was trying to bite me. and then vic n sab kaypo only. haha then suddenly the croc is in a pond and sab was sitting on it, dunno do what. haha then i just quickly asked her to get out. then the croc almost snapped her but yeah sab was saved lah. heh. haha i really wonder. i do think drms do have meanings. and MIND you, i wasn even thinking bt croc, or sab or vic or the girls. i was too dead tired that i slpt like a pig and woke up late. hmmm wonder wonder wonder.
where got time to think abt all this. i've only got my work on my mind and of cos some minor stuffs ar but yeah.
went physio with candy. haha her therapist quite cute ar. nice tan and toned body. but she short ar. hahah cos she shorter den me what. she got dat "sey" ar but not my type or standard. i don't idolise ppl. i only love myself. haha den after that went shopping with candy again. at town and tampines mall. hahahahaha shiok ar. duno y * do the shoulder thing* hahaha
i think i'll suffer if i dont have enough freedom. i hate it when ppl tell me what to do. i hate it when i cant express my thoughts. i hate it when i lose my rights to do the things i want to do.
hmmm let's just say, i love freedom. really. i'll get irritated real bad if someone orders me arnd. i'll probably not do it just bcos you ask me to. heh. and im stubborn. strong headed. but of cos this only applies to people i don't like.
i haven been reading ppl's blog religously. wanna know why? cos im lazy. of cos. heh.
and that piece of news that u told me. ahah shock the hell out of me. but it doesn matter lah. cos ur NOT mine. haha *rolls eyes*
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
meooooowwwwwwwww.
heh heh.i do get irritated sometimes. by some kaypoh aunties or don't have to be aunties. just those working women that likes to yak alot sometimes gets me irritated. as long im part of their conversation. heh totally. i don't understand chinese language eh. *rolls eyes*
oh. i've tried the sotong stick. ermm. nice. with chilli even nicer. yummy.
cats huh? i cant have cats. but i love cats. i adore cats. haha BUT yah im allergic to them. o well. you cant have everything right?
trg's attendance. HMMMM. okay lah. haha don't know what to say but as usual, shiok ar.
haha the games. hahaha we can play more of this after ivp ya?
wat else? don't know. just tired.
ermm. i was just thinking. in whatever we do. its not impossible to accomplish anything. as long as your heart and your mind is into it. it's all in the mind. im still intrigued by how our mind works.
and as much i tried to conceal my feelings, it will definitely resurface. heh i don't really know what to say but to just let it be. m tired of running and meandering arnd the situation itself.
nothing will happen, if its not said. you want it but at the same time you don't want it. contradicting. that pisses me off sometimes. sigh.
muahaha
was looking thru the pics and i saw this. yep. and i tink its pretty nice rite?
am staying at home cos im just tired of dressing up. so im just nt gonna bother. i just don't feel myself. heh tired ar. haha aniwai, i found that hellsing soundtrack. by mr. big. SHINE. nice song you noe.
oh and beautiful soul is a lovely song. really.
i don't want another pretty face
i don't just anyone to hold
i don't want my love to go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul.
you'r the one i want to chase
you'r the i want to hold
i dont want another minute to go waste
i want you and your beautiful soul.
hmmm. just a note. haha reasons y the lyrics are up here on my blog its bcos im listening to it while updating this blog. =) and im suppose to do my work. heh.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l arrr
hmmm im lazy. just too lazy to update.i cant rem wat i did on friday. oh yah. my unc hse. gd food. and yeah my fam. *smiles*
ermm yeah. yest. which is sat. wasnt suppose to go out. but for the sake of playing, i din't really care but it was grt fun. another achievement added on to the list. plates champion kerperr.. im still laughing at my stupid incident. and that farah so called "support". like totally support. hahaha. im still laughing while typing this.
just too funny. haha but it was all fun i guess.
oh. im super dark. tell me, what's new?
oh and suzi. im sorry for not coming. i wld haf probably gotten home arnd 11 if i did go ur hse and that wld haf made my unc really go berserk. so its all abt compromise ya? haha sorry babe. niway love ya. i wonder who won the award.
oh yah. vicki. arthur kerperrr... hahah
m feeling weird. don't really know how to describe it.
i love playing touch rugby. its all about testing myself. i love the angels. they crack me up all the time. i don't want to graduate. i don't want to leave the team. i don't want to be separated from sab, liza, candy, vic, farah and daph n von n ann. can i not? i dont want to stop coming dwn for trgs after classes. i still want nazhan as the coach. i want to go jalan hari raya, chinese new yr, xmas, camps with them. i want to play all the tournies with them. i want to remain in the same team. 3 yrs is not enough. will our frenship remains the same? argh. i want to play alongside them all my life if i can. you guys knows who you are right? time flies very fast.
but sadly life has to move on. it seems like lion red is my only way out. and candy, pls take care of yourself k. hope it'll get better real soon. it feels sucky to be out of the team real soon. heh
feeling emo.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
heh
just got back from the hospital. seeing my unc in pain was rather unbearable. i cld see he was in immense pain cos every five min he had to inject himself morphine. hmmmm and he cldnt talk at all. gallstones eh. seems to run in the family.i kind of dislike hospital. brings back traumatic memories. trip to there kind of drain me emotionally and physically. im really exhausted now.
in the morn, someone just had to piss me off. i don't understand y im even bothered but he just piss me off. get this right if YOU r reading this. STOP pissing me off will ya? don't do it purposely just to see my reaction. cos im not able to tolerate it. heh
today just seems so draggy. think i need a rest first. den im gonna do my work. really. tonight.
oh. hospital just suck at the moment.
and i cant seem to be bothered abt anything. nt feeling good ar.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
just got back from skool. hmm not really just got back. its was like hrs ago. but i just managed to get hold on the comp now. im a happy girl. *grin*
few reasons why i am happy today:
1. managed to get rid of the feeling of being bloated
2. had a crazy, sadistic and sordid imagination. of ppl rushing into the train. *evil grin*
3. saw candy in the morning. *smiles*
4. met fiza & aish. loving them more everyday.
5. despite the fact that i was the butt of the joke, i am happy. cos i made them laugh. lol so much for state of the art eh? what can i say. im just blur.
6. my presentation is over! yay
7. i gave my full attention in lectures today which means i understood what was taught. aint that good?
8. the swell is down.
9. i ran for the poly 50!!! and im proud of that. really. ran with 7 1/2 people including me for 54( don't ask y 54, cos some ppl are just blur) rounds
10.im getting a free dinner treat from someone. *ahem* hahaha yay. plus a chocolate. what to do. i've got sixth sense you know.
11. my circle of friends is widen. today, i know 5 new people. haha peter,gerry, kelvin, shen hao & qin hao( correct?) haha and they are super nice ppl. really. great teamwork there. heh heh
12. im proud of myself, cos i've made an achievement today. by completing that poly 50 cos trust me, its bloody tiring. especially with my toe like that. i was half limping half running but yeah. i pushed myself to the limits.... and i like that. its all about challenge.
13. i smiled at myself, knowing things that i keep to myself only. funny how things work.
14. am happy cos tmr starts at 9! and i can slp an hr more. even tho its only an hour.
15. finally saw my unc and my aunt. think i haven been spending much time at home.
16. am smiling cos ross cares abt me. haha that taggy!
17. am glad, that i exist in some ppl's life. shall take the opportunity to know them better
18. and oh yah. hellsing today! hahaha last episode was exciting.
few things that im upset with but yeah. i missed yest's trg. oh well. it was still bad yest. if i can run today, i can play the tournie on sat. heh heh heh. some ppl are just mean. they pushed other ppl just to win. heh. and my whole body is aching. haha well im still happy.
anyway in the morning, while in the train. i was woken up by ppl rushing into the train. knowing that the door gonna close, they still rush for the door. heh. that got me imagining. what will happen if they get stuck inbetween the door. i know that's not possible. but what if? and then there are big green monsters with razor sharp teeth chasing them down the escalator. and when they are stuck inbetween the door, it made life easier for the monsters. cos they gonna just eat the other half of the body. all the hands and legs get eaten up. and after the train moves, then the other halves of the body fell onto the floor. with blood, intestines, stomach all spilling. urgh gross right. haha but then what will happen, lets say the monsters managed to get into the train ar? i wonder who will they attack first? humans who are nice smelling with perfume and cologne? or ppl who smell human? haha i think ppl who smell human ar. if im in the train with the monsters are, i think i hide under the seats ar. haha wth.
sometimes i amaze myself. at my own stupidity. or lame-ness or my sixth sense or the ability to withstand all kind of craps. haha im not complaining. i like it. it makes me feels alive. heh.
few reasons why i am happy today:
1. managed to get rid of the feeling of being bloated
2. had a crazy, sadistic and sordid imagination. of ppl rushing into the train. *evil grin*
3. saw candy in the morning. *smiles*
4. met fiza & aish. loving them more everyday.
5. despite the fact that i was the butt of the joke, i am happy. cos i made them laugh. lol so much for state of the art eh? what can i say. im just blur.
6. my presentation is over! yay
7. i gave my full attention in lectures today which means i understood what was taught. aint that good?
8. the swell is down.
9. i ran for the poly 50!!! and im proud of that. really. ran with 7 1/2 people including me for 54( don't ask y 54, cos some ppl are just blur) rounds
10.im getting a free dinner treat from someone. *ahem* hahaha yay. plus a chocolate. what to do. i've got sixth sense you know.
11. my circle of friends is widen. today, i know 5 new people. haha peter,gerry, kelvin, shen hao & qin hao( correct?) haha and they are super nice ppl. really. great teamwork there. heh heh
12. im proud of myself, cos i've made an achievement today. by completing that poly 50 cos trust me, its bloody tiring. especially with my toe like that. i was half limping half running but yeah. i pushed myself to the limits.... and i like that. its all about challenge.
13. i smiled at myself, knowing things that i keep to myself only. funny how things work.
14. am happy cos tmr starts at 9! and i can slp an hr more. even tho its only an hour.
15. finally saw my unc and my aunt. think i haven been spending much time at home.
16. am smiling cos ross cares abt me. haha that taggy!
17. am glad, that i exist in some ppl's life. shall take the opportunity to know them better
18. and oh yah. hellsing today! hahaha last episode was exciting.
few things that im upset with but yeah. i missed yest's trg. oh well. it was still bad yest. if i can run today, i can play the tournie on sat. heh heh heh. some ppl are just mean. they pushed other ppl just to win. heh. and my whole body is aching. haha well im still happy.
anyway in the morning, while in the train. i was woken up by ppl rushing into the train. knowing that the door gonna close, they still rush for the door. heh. that got me imagining. what will happen if they get stuck inbetween the door. i know that's not possible. but what if? and then there are big green monsters with razor sharp teeth chasing them down the escalator. and when they are stuck inbetween the door, it made life easier for the monsters. cos they gonna just eat the other half of the body. all the hands and legs get eaten up. and after the train moves, then the other halves of the body fell onto the floor. with blood, intestines, stomach all spilling. urgh gross right. haha but then what will happen, lets say the monsters managed to get into the train ar? i wonder who will they attack first? humans who are nice smelling with perfume and cologne? or ppl who smell human? haha i think ppl who smell human ar. if im in the train with the monsters are, i think i hide under the seats ar. haha wth.
sometimes i amaze myself. at my own stupidity. or lame-ness or my sixth sense or the ability to withstand all kind of craps. haha im not complaining. i like it. it makes me feels alive. heh.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
boo hoo, i've put some ginger on my toe. apparently it works.
BUT i cant run tomorrowwwww. i don't really care. think i gonna just bring my track shoes tmr and my trg gear. so yahhhh. i live life once rite?
but sabbb. hmmm dunno lah
i like this song. Boulevard of broken dreams. heard it at matin's bbq. been trying to get the title of the song till now of cos.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
My shadow's only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone
I'm walkin down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
And know I'm still alive and I walk alone
hmmm. i need butter pad paper.
BUT i cant run tomorrowwwww. i don't really care. think i gonna just bring my track shoes tmr and my trg gear. so yahhhh. i live life once rite?
but sabbb. hmmm dunno lah
i like this song. Boulevard of broken dreams. heard it at matin's bbq. been trying to get the title of the song till now of cos.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
My shadow's only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone
I'm walkin down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
And know I'm still alive and I walk alone
hmmm. i need butter pad paper.
okay i finished my calculation. c i managed to finish it right? heh
im not feeling good. my eyes are burning. am i falling sick? haha
the swell on my toe seems to lessen down. but its still painful to run or walk fast.
so im not sure bout poly 50 tmr. anyone willing to run for me? pretty please? i just hope it gets better tmr. den maybe i'll run.
yest was good. and thanks ya.
and im pretty sick at the how you still seem to treat me like im still yours. the same way u treated me previously.
a lil respect will do you know.
and im not getting hopeful at all. i don't want to get hurt yet.
im not feeling good. my eyes are burning. am i falling sick? haha
the swell on my toe seems to lessen down. but its still painful to run or walk fast.
so im not sure bout poly 50 tmr. anyone willing to run for me? pretty please? i just hope it gets better tmr. den maybe i'll run.
yest was good. and thanks ya.
and im pretty sick at the how you still seem to treat me like im still yours. the same way u treated me previously.
a lil respect will do you know.
and im not getting hopeful at all. i don't want to get hurt yet.
Monday, January 17, 2005
hahaha
story telling session kerper suzi.
heh. my toe just got worst. it spread to parts of my feet. i don't really care. still considering whether to go doc or not.
alah. i dunno y but im feeling loved. really. cos i love all my frens. weird eh. it takes effort to make friends but it takes greater effort to keep it alive.
and i try my best to be there for them all the time and hope they know.
had a conversation with the guys. about why aren't they any female chefs? there are female chefs, its just that they are not so high profile. and about the fact that women wanting to do men jobs. hmmm makes me wonder. left me dumbstruck. i don't like to have no answers for anything. things happen for a reason. so, why woman doing man job scope, asking for equality in treatment when they are making fuss about not being treated like a woman? hmmmmm tell me? cos i don't understand it myself. you get what im trying to say right? extremely complicated creature eh? hmmmm..
and get this right. TOUCH rugby is not meant for guys. its NOT rough, manly or violent. touch rugby is about agility, quick thinking, speed, fitness and brain. so there you go.
stupid speaker. fell on my feet. but i only got myself to blame ar. im suh wat. heh
my toe just swell like nobody business and it's very black. scare me alot. my unc said its not that bad. totally he said at most left with 4 toes only lah. haha like what sia. den he said go doctor only la. at least get 5 days mc and he told me its not that bad. *rolls eyes*.
anyway suzi's bday was a blasttttttttttttttttttttt. love you babe. muackssssssss.
hope u enjoyed ur day n my brownie. hahahaha alrite got to slp. shall continue tmr. muacks
story telling session kerper suzi.
heh. my toe just got worst. it spread to parts of my feet. i don't really care. still considering whether to go doc or not.
alah. i dunno y but im feeling loved. really. cos i love all my frens. weird eh. it takes effort to make friends but it takes greater effort to keep it alive.
and i try my best to be there for them all the time and hope they know.
had a conversation with the guys. about why aren't they any female chefs? there are female chefs, its just that they are not so high profile. and about the fact that women wanting to do men jobs. hmmm makes me wonder. left me dumbstruck. i don't like to have no answers for anything. things happen for a reason. so, why woman doing man job scope, asking for equality in treatment when they are making fuss about not being treated like a woman? hmmmmm tell me? cos i don't understand it myself. you get what im trying to say right? extremely complicated creature eh? hmmmm..
and get this right. TOUCH rugby is not meant for guys. its NOT rough, manly or violent. touch rugby is about agility, quick thinking, speed, fitness and brain. so there you go.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
wat a dayyyyyyyy
hahah damn. wat a day!stupid speaker. fell on my feet. but i only got myself to blame ar. im suh wat. heh
my toe just swell like nobody business and it's very black. scare me alot. my unc said its not that bad. totally he said at most left with 4 toes only lah. haha like what sia. den he said go doctor only la. at least get 5 days mc and he told me its not that bad. *rolls eyes*.
anyway suzi's bday was a blasttttttttttttttttttttt. love you babe. muackssssssss.
hope u enjoyed ur day n my brownie. hahahaha alrite got to slp. shall continue tmr. muacks
suziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii happy 21st birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! old already. heh muacks
yest was good.. went out the peepz. stil the looking the same. im surprise im the still the old suh 3yrs back. haha
went to the MPH sale at expo. got lots of book but wasn interested ar. went der to just acc my my frens. haha cant bear to leave them yet.
and i got nth much to say. lol.
yest was good.. went out the peepz. stil the looking the same. im surprise im the still the old suh 3yrs back. haha
went to the MPH sale at expo. got lots of book but wasn interested ar. went der to just acc my my frens. haha cant bear to leave them yet.
and i got nth much to say. lol.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
haha, was reading my past entries.
the difference. 2mths back i was attached, but now im single. how weird. seeing myself fussing abt someone whom i thought will be there for me when i needed him. and now i cant help but think, was there anything fishy that happened then?
and the period when my late mum passed away. i still haven gotten over that fact yet. i tink bout her everyday. it just take someone to get me thinking. and i'll grow all quiet but im good. at controlling my feelings. i just miss her. things happen for a reason. how i envy those ppl. bah, dont wanna get all soppy...
i just finish eating some of m&m leftovers. shiok. going out soon to meet my sec skool frens. i miss them alot. yep. prettty much. but im still having diarrhoea. so yeah taking my time.
am going out soon.
anyway just a note.
siti sabariah bte abdul rashid -- i love you alot. haha hope this makes ur day k.
fiza & aish-- im missing you guys. muacks n yeah not forgetting i luv u guys to bits.
candy,vic, daph, suzi, ro, farah n of cos the angels -- i love u guys too. trg rocks cos of u guys.
heh seems funny. all my frens are mostly girls now. due to the restrictions i had previously. i've lost all the guy's contacts. hmmm... i've no intention of having one anyway.
i've made my decision overnight. cos i just cldn't get to slp yest night. feeling rather uncomfortable.
things wont work out. im gonna give it a rest. ignore and avoid. *smiles*
it's still simple rite? cos i like it simple.
and it's personally made by suh. yep. dat's me. *grin*
haha anyway candy n vic came over my hse today. to sort out the photos and print it out but din. cos it's ex. so yah. haha but they made my day. love them to bits.
i've gt nth much to say. cos i've blogged today. heh.
k ciaoz.
her beliefs and character kind of irked me. i believe her that her determination not to believe that GOD exist sums up her conceited attitude. That she don't have much faith in herself. and that she needed to boast about her PSLE results and her IQ results to make herself feel on the top of the world, feeling rather happy with herself. hmm, maybe she's a sad case underneath that intelligent brain. Hey but who am i to judge her rite? When i don't even know her. Sometimes whatever is written on the blog reveals your character. hmmm i shall not say it anymore. I just don't like the way she potrays her entries. rather arrogant and ignorant. argh stop it here
_____________________________________________________
anyhoo. the game was good yesterday. the trg was good yest. and im a happy girl today. and we MANAGED to execute the move sotong beautifully for the first time. muahahaha. okay, dat was lame but it was good. and naz is back. heh
hmmm, i've been pondering. on this issue. who can be more evil and cunning? MAN or WOMAN?
So far the books that i read, there seem to this propaganda that women can be very scheming and manipulative.
Like the da vinci code. the holy grail? trying to destroy the fact that women are much more powerful than men. and thus tarnish the reputation by calling "her" prostitute. and the willingness to kill to hide the truth? i know it's just a story. okay, it may only be a story but have you ever thought whether some part of it maybe true? as in the reality itself. im not terpesong k. what i meant is, it's scary that i maybe here in Singapore, safe and sound. But do i know that right now at this moment, at this moment, someone is killed for selfish reason? How would i know right? cos the media blocked out all those things that they don't want us to see. arghh i sidetracked abit. but yeah. think about it.
and women are able to use emotions to manipulate the men and trick them into giving in to them. Women are armed with the power to seduce guys because men are rather lustful. And yes, guys do fall for that unless of cos their faith and will power is strong.
Whereas guys may have the brawn and maybe the brain but they are certainly not that smart enough to even suggest war. i mean WAR? y can't they be more sensitive. but i don't consider them being evil and cunning. instead im thankful women are not the leaders. it would have been much worst. cos women cant contain their emotions as well as the guys. the KEY word is evil and cunning. followed by sly, foxy, tricky and more.
since im a girl myself, i think i know how issit like. there were times when i was so pissed with someone that in my mind i automatically devised an evil plan on how to get my revenge back. that only happen im really seething with anger. but i din do it of cos. im just the type that forget things easily. i try my best not to hurt ppl's feelings.
and women can be darn bitchy. guys who are bitchy learnt from the best.
and these women that i'm referring to can be anyone. just that some of them are crazy enough to even do it. i mean the show The Apprentice is a good example. to get what they want, they did and use everything within their will which includes their body. heh. i hate this kind of show. like survivors, amazing race, high school reunion, bachelor cos it bears too much reality. too much on the bad side of the human race. its rather sickening.
anyway, im a not feminist. i tink women are definitely more cunning and evil than men are. BUT women are more forgiving, loving, sensitive and caring compared to men. i tink women are just the extremist of all. arh, life. dat's how it is rite.
the difference. 2mths back i was attached, but now im single. how weird. seeing myself fussing abt someone whom i thought will be there for me when i needed him. and now i cant help but think, was there anything fishy that happened then?
and the period when my late mum passed away. i still haven gotten over that fact yet. i tink bout her everyday. it just take someone to get me thinking. and i'll grow all quiet but im good. at controlling my feelings. i just miss her. things happen for a reason. how i envy those ppl. bah, dont wanna get all soppy...
i just finish eating some of m&m leftovers. shiok. going out soon to meet my sec skool frens. i miss them alot. yep. prettty much. but im still having diarrhoea. so yeah taking my time.
am going out soon.
anyway just a note.
siti sabariah bte abdul rashid -- i love you alot. haha hope this makes ur day k.
fiza & aish-- im missing you guys. muacks n yeah not forgetting i luv u guys to bits.
candy,vic, daph, suzi, ro, farah n of cos the angels -- i love u guys too. trg rocks cos of u guys.
heh seems funny. all my frens are mostly girls now. due to the restrictions i had previously. i've lost all the guy's contacts. hmmm... i've no intention of having one anyway.
hmmmm...
frustration.frustration. frustrations. dat was what it's all about.i've made my decision overnight. cos i just cldn't get to slp yest night. feeling rather uncomfortable.
things wont work out. im gonna give it a rest. ignore and avoid. *smiles*
Friday, January 14, 2005
new layout kerper..
a change of layout. i personalised it so that it relates back to me?it's still simple rite? cos i like it simple.
and it's personally made by suh. yep. dat's me. *grin*
haha anyway candy n vic came over my hse today. to sort out the photos and print it out but din. cos it's ex. so yah. haha but they made my day. love them to bits.
i've gt nth much to say. cos i've blogged today. heh.
k ciaoz.
women or men? who's more evil?
hmmm, read a "smart" girl's blog. don't really know her. was just blog-hopping. i certainly wont like her if we are ever introduced face to face.her beliefs and character kind of irked me. i believe her that her determination not to believe that GOD exist sums up her conceited attitude. That she don't have much faith in herself. and that she needed to boast about her PSLE results and her IQ results to make herself feel on the top of the world, feeling rather happy with herself. hmm, maybe she's a sad case underneath that intelligent brain. Hey but who am i to judge her rite? When i don't even know her. Sometimes whatever is written on the blog reveals your character. hmmm i shall not say it anymore. I just don't like the way she potrays her entries. rather arrogant and ignorant. argh stop it here
_____________________________________________________
anyhoo. the game was good yesterday. the trg was good yest. and im a happy girl today. and we MANAGED to execute the move sotong beautifully for the first time. muahahaha. okay, dat was lame but it was good. and naz is back. heh
hmmm, i've been pondering. on this issue. who can be more evil and cunning? MAN or WOMAN?
So far the books that i read, there seem to this propaganda that women can be very scheming and manipulative.
Like the da vinci code. the holy grail? trying to destroy the fact that women are much more powerful than men. and thus tarnish the reputation by calling "her" prostitute. and the willingness to kill to hide the truth? i know it's just a story. okay, it may only be a story but have you ever thought whether some part of it maybe true? as in the reality itself. im not terpesong k. what i meant is, it's scary that i maybe here in Singapore, safe and sound. But do i know that right now at this moment, at this moment, someone is killed for selfish reason? How would i know right? cos the media blocked out all those things that they don't want us to see. arghh i sidetracked abit. but yeah. think about it.
and women are able to use emotions to manipulate the men and trick them into giving in to them. Women are armed with the power to seduce guys because men are rather lustful. And yes, guys do fall for that unless of cos their faith and will power is strong.
Whereas guys may have the brawn and maybe the brain but they are certainly not that smart enough to even suggest war. i mean WAR? y can't they be more sensitive. but i don't consider them being evil and cunning. instead im thankful women are not the leaders. it would have been much worst. cos women cant contain their emotions as well as the guys. the KEY word is evil and cunning. followed by sly, foxy, tricky and more.
since im a girl myself, i think i know how issit like. there were times when i was so pissed with someone that in my mind i automatically devised an evil plan on how to get my revenge back. that only happen im really seething with anger. but i din do it of cos. im just the type that forget things easily. i try my best not to hurt ppl's feelings.
and women can be darn bitchy. guys who are bitchy learnt from the best.
and these women that i'm referring to can be anyone. just that some of them are crazy enough to even do it. i mean the show The Apprentice is a good example. to get what they want, they did and use everything within their will which includes their body. heh. i hate this kind of show. like survivors, amazing race, high school reunion, bachelor cos it bears too much reality. too much on the bad side of the human race. its rather sickening.
anyway, im a not feminist. i tink women are definitely more cunning and evil than men are. BUT women are more forgiving, loving, sensitive and caring compared to men. i tink women are just the extremist of all. arh, life. dat's how it is rite.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
game today!! i cant wait *grinning*
but its only 9 now. bleh.
im in a good mood but a little bit to the somber side. hmmm
there are reasons y. dun ask. haha. seems so near yet so far. the exact words from fiza's mouth.
okay.. haha im just too lazy to blog. don't want to get you guys updated bout my life. muahahaha you wanna know why? cos i arrogant. heh actually there is nothing to update ar.
just sit down one corner, read book, drink milo and chill. happy life ar. but temporary only ar. im gonna start on my work soon. i good girl k.
y do things happen only when we don't expect it? argh. its frustrating you know. but nvm!
seriously i duno wat to blog. yest trg was good. yeah. good game, its just me. i kept chucking the ball. just cldnt concentrate and think properly. my mind wasn there i guess.
hmm things been going downhill i guess. i c.a.n.n.o.t. get my hopes too high up. too much to bear.
im acting like i don't give a damn. hmm maybe i don't. cos im scared? im afraid to take the risk again. so there. all i can say is im afraid. ahah sorry if this sounds so disappointing fiza and aish. but its true.
i haf so much of my opinions that i want to share but im LAZY. lazy to type and all that. i just wanna lie on my bed and read book. time is precious you know.
so much conflicts. in everything. skool. matters on heart. friends. sometimes i just wish i can curl up into a ball and hide away. haha must be the pms.
anyway i dun tink i gt much to update
had a steamboat at yum's place. all was good. *smiles*
hmmm im gonna let everything cool by itself. no point getting myself involve and nt getting what i want. im really learning not to expect much. chill ar suh. haha comforting myself.
really gt nothing much to update.
and im happy with the things are now. i shall stay laid back, if i get it, den im thankful but if i don't well it doesn't matter. haha.
but i love yest's trg. it was good.
anyway i've gt a story. just wanna share with you guys. haha rather spiritual. heh. but just read ar to gif u guys some enlighthenment so dat u reflect whenever u feel ur really broke. haha
not for atheist tho.
Once there was a king who had presented his daughter, the princess, with a beautiful diamond necklace. The necklace was stolen and his people in the kingdom searched everywhere but could not find it. Some said a bird may have stolen it. The king then asked them all to search for it and put a reward for $50,000 for anyone who found it.
One day a clerk was walking home along a river next to an industrial area. This river was completely polluted and filthy and smelly.As he was walking , the clerk saw a shimmering in the river and when he looked, he saw the diamond necklace. He decided to try and catch it so that he could get the $50,000 reward. He put his hand in the filthy, dirty river and grabbed at the necklace, but some how missed it and didn't catch it. He took his hand out and looked again and the necklace was still there. He tried again, this time he walked in the river and dirtied his pants in the filthy river and put his whole arm in to catch the necklace. But strangely, he still missed the necklace! He came out and started walking away, feeling depressed.
Then again he saw the necklace, right there. This time he was determined to get it, no matter what. He decided to plunge into the river, although it was a disgusting thing to do as the river was polluted, and his whole body would become fillthy. He plunged in, and searched everywhere for the necklace and yet he failed. This time he was really bewildered and came out feeling very depressed that he could not get the necklace that would get him $50,000.
Just then a saint who was walking by, saw him, and asked him what was the matter. The clerk didn't want to share the secret with the saint, thinking the saint might take the necklace for himself,so he refused to tell the saint anything. But the saint could see this man was troubled and being compassionate, again asked the clerk to tell him the problem and promised that he would not tell anyone about it. The clerk mustered some courage and decided to put some faith in the saint. He told the saint about the necklace and how he tried and tried to catch it , but kept failing. The saint then told him that perhaps he should try looking upward, toward the branches of the tree, instead of in the filthy river. The clerk looked up and true enough, the necklace was dangling on the branch of a tree. He had been trying to capture a mere reflection of the real necklace all this time.
moral of the story:
Material happiness is just like the filthy, polluted river; because it is a mere reflection of the TRUE happiness in the spiritual world.
and so here i am, doing research( yeah rite, i did it long time ago right sab? u were there rite? so ur my witness) haha so im just trying to pick out the relevant info.
i cant slp peacefully yet, maybe tmr. thurs trg!!!!!! im coming. i so miss trg very much. n i miss everyone there.
and yeah on fri night eh, it was good. i mean the steamboat was good. enjoyed the company and food. so more of it pls. and whatever that comes after the steamboat was just as nice. but i wanna keep it there. im trying hard not to harbor any tots on it. *smiles* haha
anyway this is what im feeling.
Invisible
Whatcha' doin' tonightI wish
I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealing your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
[Chorus]
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible (Wait...I already am)
Saw your face in the crowd
I call out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life
[Chorus]Reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I scream out
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through
[Chorus]
but its only 9 now. bleh.
im in a good mood but a little bit to the somber side. hmmm
there are reasons y. dun ask. haha. seems so near yet so far. the exact words from fiza's mouth.
okay.. haha im just too lazy to blog. don't want to get you guys updated bout my life. muahahaha you wanna know why? cos i arrogant. heh actually there is nothing to update ar.
just sit down one corner, read book, drink milo and chill. happy life ar. but temporary only ar. im gonna start on my work soon. i good girl k.
y do things happen only when we don't expect it? argh. its frustrating you know. but nvm!
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
heh.
okiez. haven been updating regularly. i noe. fiza just bugged me to update. how much i miss her doing that. *rolls eyes* haha but yeah im just lazy ar. been a lazy pig.seriously i duno wat to blog. yest trg was good. yeah. good game, its just me. i kept chucking the ball. just cldnt concentrate and think properly. my mind wasn there i guess.
hmm things been going downhill i guess. i c.a.n.n.o.t. get my hopes too high up. too much to bear.
im acting like i don't give a damn. hmm maybe i don't. cos im scared? im afraid to take the risk again. so there. all i can say is im afraid. ahah sorry if this sounds so disappointing fiza and aish. but its true.
i haf so much of my opinions that i want to share but im LAZY. lazy to type and all that. i just wanna lie on my bed and read book. time is precious you know.
so much conflicts. in everything. skool. matters on heart. friends. sometimes i just wish i can curl up into a ball and hide away. haha must be the pms.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
hmmmmm
heh. happy birthday vicki!! haha growing old ehanyway i dun tink i gt much to update
had a steamboat at yum's place. all was good. *smiles*
hmmm im gonna let everything cool by itself. no point getting myself involve and nt getting what i want. im really learning not to expect much. chill ar suh. haha comforting myself.
really gt nothing much to update.
and im happy with the things are now. i shall stay laid back, if i get it, den im thankful but if i don't well it doesn't matter. haha.
Friday, January 07, 2005
the illusion of reflection
haha i was happily blogging and after dat i published but my stupid net got problem so all the stuffs i wrote went down the drain and so i dun feel like typing it all again.but i love yest's trg. it was good.
anyway i've gt a story. just wanna share with you guys. haha rather spiritual. heh. but just read ar to gif u guys some enlighthenment so dat u reflect whenever u feel ur really broke. haha
not for atheist tho.
Once there was a king who had presented his daughter, the princess, with a beautiful diamond necklace. The necklace was stolen and his people in the kingdom searched everywhere but could not find it. Some said a bird may have stolen it. The king then asked them all to search for it and put a reward for $50,000 for anyone who found it.
One day a clerk was walking home along a river next to an industrial area. This river was completely polluted and filthy and smelly.As he was walking , the clerk saw a shimmering in the river and when he looked, he saw the diamond necklace. He decided to try and catch it so that he could get the $50,000 reward. He put his hand in the filthy, dirty river and grabbed at the necklace, but some how missed it and didn't catch it. He took his hand out and looked again and the necklace was still there. He tried again, this time he walked in the river and dirtied his pants in the filthy river and put his whole arm in to catch the necklace. But strangely, he still missed the necklace! He came out and started walking away, feeling depressed.
Then again he saw the necklace, right there. This time he was determined to get it, no matter what. He decided to plunge into the river, although it was a disgusting thing to do as the river was polluted, and his whole body would become fillthy. He plunged in, and searched everywhere for the necklace and yet he failed. This time he was really bewildered and came out feeling very depressed that he could not get the necklace that would get him $50,000.
Just then a saint who was walking by, saw him, and asked him what was the matter. The clerk didn't want to share the secret with the saint, thinking the saint might take the necklace for himself,so he refused to tell the saint anything. But the saint could see this man was troubled and being compassionate, again asked the clerk to tell him the problem and promised that he would not tell anyone about it. The clerk mustered some courage and decided to put some faith in the saint. He told the saint about the necklace and how he tried and tried to catch it , but kept failing. The saint then told him that perhaps he should try looking upward, toward the branches of the tree, instead of in the filthy river. The clerk looked up and true enough, the necklace was dangling on the branch of a tree. He had been trying to capture a mere reflection of the real necklace all this time.
moral of the story:
Material happiness is just like the filthy, polluted river; because it is a mere reflection of the TRUE happiness in the spiritual world.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
fiza's hse. i was here yest....
heh. submission for bp & dc is over. a huge relief u noe. im feeling alittle bit better but there is like two to go tmr n my so called bloody grp leader is not even here. oh well, got gf wat. heh so who are we right? * rolls eyes*and so here i am, doing research( yeah rite, i did it long time ago right sab? u were there rite? so ur my witness) haha so im just trying to pick out the relevant info.
i cant slp peacefully yet, maybe tmr. thurs trg!!!!!! im coming. i so miss trg very much. n i miss everyone there.
and yeah on fri night eh, it was good. i mean the steamboat was good. enjoyed the company and food. so more of it pls. and whatever that comes after the steamboat was just as nice. but i wanna keep it there. im trying hard not to harbor any tots on it. *smiles* haha
anyway this is what im feeling.
Invisible
Whatcha' doin' tonightI wish
I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealing your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
[Chorus]
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible (Wait...I already am)
Saw your face in the crowd
I call out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life
[Chorus]Reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I scream out
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through
[Chorus]
A SHOUTOUT TO ALL!
i l o v e you guys! really i do. very much. muacks. haha thanks for the taggy. makes my day. me looking grouchy n haggard now. heh.
haha i bet u did. im waiting for my work to upload. just left with abit more.
go to hell with research work. gonna burn midnight oil again. just to complete dat. n wed!! role play. *shakes head* my first entry for yr 2005.
okay ppl, quick! take a deep breathe in. Can you smell it? Yr 2005? Does it smell fresher? heh wat i can smell is just the same old stale smell. Dead bodies everywhere, rotting, ppl missing, crying for their loss ones. so tell me, what's so exciting abt the new year? haha i'm not trying to be pessimistic here, just sharing my views.
every year that past by, i doubt anything good did happen. Did we see news rich people giving up their wealth for the poor? or the ozone layer is thickening? heh im just thinking that, the number 2005 is superficial. everything is superficial, planning for the future is superficial, resolutions are superficial. so y make them and try to live your life by it? why not live life to the fullest, doing things you enjoy? Like maybe playing touch for the rest of my life? ahah maybe, maybe.. whatever it is, don't get sucked in by the the materialness of life.
anyway i side tracked abit just nw, i don't think that the beginning of a new year is any significant. It just means
1. MORE ppl died. Compare the number of ppl that died in killer waves to the number of ppl died during the Sept 11. Ii's MORE rite? All the disease, bird flu, sars, anthrax( abit stupid ar), bombing and more. The end of each year means adding more values to whatever statistic of death, diseases, poverty and more in the pst years. So tell me, issit right to be happy bout that?
2. More sins committed. Its true right? People are more vicious, smarter, till the extend of wanting to play god. hmm reminds me of Gothika. eerie rite?. Time makes everything achievable and possible. Same concept as above, It just keeps on adding.
3. More ppl commit suicide. heh Mrt, flats, throwing of babies, abandoning babies and MORE to come. Life just seems meaningless to them? Lack of love i guess. shameful eh,
4. You grow older. yep. A year older. Ur restricted by the things ur expected to do. Expectations? Learn not to expect, that i must share.
5. And like what ro said, there seems to be a reversal in role. Kids wanna act older and vice versa.
What happen to the good old days?
6.More problems and responsibilities. I pity the kids especially, those in Singapore. They were given a huge amount of burden the moment they got out of the womb. probably that explains point no.5 huh.
Bottom line is, a new year is just another phrase, another phase. There is alot of reality that goes beyond that sentence. So i can conclude that, stop being materialistic, there are ppl out who suffers more. SPEND more on food and spread the love. haha i believe money are well spent if u spend it on food. right sab? cherish everyone, love everyone, u may never know when u or ur loved ones are leaving. DOnt's be too square and live by the regulations all the time, give yourself a chance. and lastly dont get offended by this entry of mine. just a quote, to be enlighthened, JUST love. *smiles*
n anyway just a thought, Who has more confidence? Girls who wears make-up or girls who don't wear make-up? opinion please?
P.S note, its meant for G.I.R.L.S. haha not career woman k. haha muacks. sayang suzi.
i l o v e you guys! really i do. very much. muacks. haha thanks for the taggy. makes my day. me looking grouchy n haggard now. heh.
Monday, January 03, 2005
tmr n wed!! submission. heh
miss me?haha i bet u did. im waiting for my work to upload. just left with abit more.
go to hell with research work. gonna burn midnight oil again. just to complete dat. n wed!! role play. *shakes head* my first entry for yr 2005.
okay ppl, quick! take a deep breathe in. Can you smell it? Yr 2005? Does it smell fresher? heh wat i can smell is just the same old stale smell. Dead bodies everywhere, rotting, ppl missing, crying for their loss ones. so tell me, what's so exciting abt the new year? haha i'm not trying to be pessimistic here, just sharing my views.
every year that past by, i doubt anything good did happen. Did we see news rich people giving up their wealth for the poor? or the ozone layer is thickening? heh im just thinking that, the number 2005 is superficial. everything is superficial, planning for the future is superficial, resolutions are superficial. so y make them and try to live your life by it? why not live life to the fullest, doing things you enjoy? Like maybe playing touch for the rest of my life? ahah maybe, maybe.. whatever it is, don't get sucked in by the the materialness of life.
anyway i side tracked abit just nw, i don't think that the beginning of a new year is any significant. It just means
1. MORE ppl died. Compare the number of ppl that died in killer waves to the number of ppl died during the Sept 11. Ii's MORE rite? All the disease, bird flu, sars, anthrax( abit stupid ar), bombing and more. The end of each year means adding more values to whatever statistic of death, diseases, poverty and more in the pst years. So tell me, issit right to be happy bout that?
2. More sins committed. Its true right? People are more vicious, smarter, till the extend of wanting to play god. hmm reminds me of Gothika. eerie rite?. Time makes everything achievable and possible. Same concept as above, It just keeps on adding.
3. More ppl commit suicide. heh Mrt, flats, throwing of babies, abandoning babies and MORE to come. Life just seems meaningless to them? Lack of love i guess. shameful eh,
4. You grow older. yep. A year older. Ur restricted by the things ur expected to do. Expectations? Learn not to expect, that i must share.
5. And like what ro said, there seems to be a reversal in role. Kids wanna act older and vice versa.
What happen to the good old days?
6.More problems and responsibilities. I pity the kids especially, those in Singapore. They were given a huge amount of burden the moment they got out of the womb. probably that explains point no.5 huh.
Bottom line is, a new year is just another phrase, another phase. There is alot of reality that goes beyond that sentence. So i can conclude that, stop being materialistic, there are ppl out who suffers more. SPEND more on food and spread the love. haha i believe money are well spent if u spend it on food. right sab? cherish everyone, love everyone, u may never know when u or ur loved ones are leaving. DOnt's be too square and live by the regulations all the time, give yourself a chance. and lastly dont get offended by this entry of mine. just a quote, to be enlighthened, JUST love. *smiles*
n anyway just a thought, Who has more confidence? Girls who wears make-up or girls who don't wear make-up? opinion please?
P.S note, its meant for G.I.R.L.S. haha not career woman k. haha muacks. sayang suzi.