am trying to do my work. but ya the word is trying. *smiles*
m feeling a lil bit better.
was late today. o well. i was just tired. lucky they r cool ppl. haha
and im in the committee. * beams* okay for the annual camp. how nice. thanks to liza. and her ever so nice introduction of cute guys. tho i haven seen them yet. i kind of getting sick of it already. but im excited bout the camp already. im already making myself busy. arh.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
had a funny feeling...
went to send ross off today. heh. miss herden went to town with sab and adam.
walked arnd for awhile. and then to paragon. to look at the tsunami exhibition. and it kind of hit me hard.
dat alot ppl are ignorant about the surrounding.
dat some ppl are just selfish. which includes me.
the pictures. of decomposed body. faces too bloated to be even regconised. they died a terrible death. body threwn and carried to nowhere. mud covering their faces. bloody everywhere. what did they do to deserve such deaths? im sorry. im just a ppl person. i feel for them. they died such a sudden death. that it ache my heart badly.
den it got me thinking. what if it was singapore? it struck me that we dont have hundreds of years to live. life is short. you know what, when i was walking along the orchard road, i had the urge to just shake them and tell them, wake up!! don't be ignorant. do something about your life. well particularly, more to the malay ppl. not being racist here but ya. im just sad. sad with life. how fragile life is. how easily it can be taken away from you.
that it scares me. makes me worry for ppl. duno y. argh. im just disappointed with life. no doubt there are perks of it. but it seems like everyone are too engrossed in making the most out of life when actually they are not at all. for example, like trying to churn money. eh i dun really know what im talking about ar but im just sad lah. sins. hatred. betrayal. lies. feelings. death. and bloody hell, there was this old man standing and no one wants to give up their seats. how selfish. i duno why im suddenly filled with anger.
there are so many things that i want to do. just in case my life is short. but. argh. dunno.
i just want to say. treasure who you have ar. really. just do more good deeds. i noe this is so boring or whatever but heh. don't give a phuck if u think this is pointless. im just naggy and draggy and grouchy and upset. argh. the pictures are just too depressing.
and oh. tell those whom you love deeply. i dunno. just express your love. don't give a phuck about what they think. at least. u've let ur feelings known and you can die a peaceful death. heh. k dat's abit too sadistic but get wat im trying to say. at least. they know you love them.
anyway. im sorry for not thinking twice. it was, after all a selfish remark.
n yah, im sorry nt thinking abt u candy. n yes. u desrves the win as well.
and im sorry, candy n vic, for nt being able to clinch a medal for u guys. u desrve it as much as last yrs ivp for putting in ur all.
im just sorry about eveything. i dun ever dare to slp. for fear i may dream of something tearful. o well i was about too but i woke up in time. sigh.
n yah, im sorry nt thinking abt u candy. n yes. u desrves the win as well.
and im sorry, candy n vic, for nt being able to clinch a medal for u guys. u desrve it as much as last yrs ivp for putting in ur all.
im just sorry about eveything. i dun ever dare to slp. for fear i may dream of something tearful. o well i was about too but i woke up in time. sigh.
Friday, February 25, 2005
okay. maybe i held strong. well until now maybe.
i feel like something was ripped off from me. i feel empty.
sad. disappointed. like i said before. the feeling is similar to the ones that i feel after breaking up with someone. all i wanna do is binge. i feel delusional. i dun even want to think about it. mayb one day i'll face the facts but not now. i think we deserves better.
but then again. what for right. when its all over. yesh. o-v-e-r. everything dat i've put in for the 3 yrs. every trg sessions that i tried to make for was for nothing. why am i fussing over this when its all over? cos im hurt. hurt by the game. maybe one day, i'll take nazhan's challenge. but for now. i feel like staying away from the game. its too saddening. sorry. for the pensive thoughts
its time i concentrate on my work. i dun want to quit ar. 2 n half yrs of work, hundreds spent and slpless nights. just what is 3 more weeks rite? yeah. a blessing in disguise maybe.
sometimes. i hate being too positive. i need to let it out. i hate staying here. i hate having to share the house. i hate the way im treated. feel unwanted. maybe it's just me. i want to stay at my own house. 2-3 more months. soon.
everything will be fine. soon...
oh did i mention dat, i'll tend to feel more for the person that i drm of. but lately i've been too tired. tired of everything. o well. life's not over.
and yah ross. love you so much. cant believe its here when im just abt to noe u more. take care dear when ur over there. muacks.
i feel like something was ripped off from me. i feel empty.
sad. disappointed. like i said before. the feeling is similar to the ones that i feel after breaking up with someone. all i wanna do is binge. i feel delusional. i dun even want to think about it. mayb one day i'll face the facts but not now. i think we deserves better.
but then again. what for right. when its all over. yesh. o-v-e-r. everything dat i've put in for the 3 yrs. every trg sessions that i tried to make for was for nothing. why am i fussing over this when its all over? cos im hurt. hurt by the game. maybe one day, i'll take nazhan's challenge. but for now. i feel like staying away from the game. its too saddening. sorry. for the pensive thoughts
its time i concentrate on my work. i dun want to quit ar. 2 n half yrs of work, hundreds spent and slpless nights. just what is 3 more weeks rite? yeah. a blessing in disguise maybe.
sometimes. i hate being too positive. i need to let it out. i hate staying here. i hate having to share the house. i hate the way im treated. feel unwanted. maybe it's just me. i want to stay at my own house. 2-3 more months. soon.
everything will be fine. soon...
oh did i mention dat, i'll tend to feel more for the person that i drm of. but lately i've been too tired. tired of everything. o well. life's not over.
and yah ross. love you so much. cant believe its here when im just abt to noe u more. take care dear when ur over there. muacks.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
i woke up feeling like i just broke up with someone. not literally. but i feel empty.
i just hope everyone's spirit will be up again soon.
and im gg to skool.
and to whom i watched dodgeball with, muacks. love you.
and to whom i watched garfield with. double muacks. love u guys.
and to whom i watched shutter with. triple muacks. things were great. hope the connection is still there. *smiles*
i just hope everyone's spirit will be up again soon.
and im gg to skool.
and to whom i watched dodgeball with, muacks. love you.
and to whom i watched garfield with. double muacks. love u guys.
and to whom i watched shutter with. triple muacks. things were great. hope the connection is still there. *smiles*
Sunday, February 20, 2005
hmmm what a day. *smiles*
all i ever wanted was you. *hum* coz that nigga who I'm with don't give a phuck about me *wink*
and all I ever wanted was to be there for you, cuz that girl who you with don't give a phuck about you..
haha imagine me singing to this song, moving along. haha nice song.
tutoring is not that easy. hmm BUT i've made new friends. great. i like. but my focus is on the kids.
been really fickled minded. don't ask me why. its time i start to be daring. and i don't really care bout anything cos im just too busy. been procrastinating my work.
4 weeks to go. 2 weeks dedicated to ivp. left with 2 weeks. models. details. printings.argh. hw e hell am i gonna finish my work. hmm feel like crying but i got to hang on. too many commitments.
and i shld be going for this lion reds trg this sat. cos i wanna be in the club level after i grad.
and i wanna take the coaching course. insya allah.
so tell me when can i find the time for myself?
the last movie i watched was that french show and it's like weeeks agoooooooo.
more sleepless nights to come. where got time to find bf. so aish, pls remove that wish of yours from ur wishlist. haha i'll be too busy.
and i love touch rugby.
and i gonna miss ross.
and i want to watch hide and seek.
and i want to eat dim sum with sab.
and i want to go sempang bedok.
and i wanna go johor, and movie marathon there.
and i just wanna sit down and slack the whole day.
and im seriously tired. too exhausted.
and i don't feel like going to skool tmr morning. argh. help me. haha
"I am, as we all are',...'an amalgam of characters, a paradigm of emotional tests and conflicts. So there is no one me, just as there is no one you. We're like prisms, with more sides and angles than we can imagine, and where the light catches the prism today determines who we are, and how we respond, today.'...'We all have a coexistence of anger and peace; love and hate; loyalty and deceit; depravity and morality. The capability of each is in us all, so if the issue is a crippled child, and the light catches pity, that is how we will respond. But it could equally catch indifference, or revulsion, because maybe the circumstances in our lives are such at that moment that we can't feel for another. So on any given day, we could have a totally different responses to any given situation. That doesnt change who we are, it merely illustrates our complexity."
hmmm, interesting right? just something i got from a fiction book. but it's interesting from the way how the writer of the book puts it. cant help but to agree. there is some truth there. that we cant control what we feel.
i think i've come close to painting my prism black. so that the light cant reflect anything. cos there were times i blocked out all the feelings. the keyword is blocked, meaning i refuse to feel that way. it hurts sometimes but what can i do to make myself feel better. or mayb at most of the time i feel indifferent. unless its a happy feeling.
confusion state. whatever i've decided to let go or forget, i really hope it remains in the past. but sometimes, there were moments when i suddenly thought of it or that someone. den i realised that its not that easy to let go.
all i ever wanted was you. *hum* coz that nigga who I'm with don't give a phuck about me *wink*
and all I ever wanted was to be there for you, cuz that girl who you with don't give a phuck about you..
haha imagine me singing to this song, moving along. haha nice song.
tutoring is not that easy. hmm BUT i've made new friends. great. i like. but my focus is on the kids.
been really fickled minded. don't ask me why. its time i start to be daring. and i don't really care bout anything cos im just too busy. been procrastinating my work.
4 weeks to go. 2 weeks dedicated to ivp. left with 2 weeks. models. details. printings.argh. hw e hell am i gonna finish my work. hmm feel like crying but i got to hang on. too many commitments.
and i shld be going for this lion reds trg this sat. cos i wanna be in the club level after i grad.
and i wanna take the coaching course. insya allah.
so tell me when can i find the time for myself?
the last movie i watched was that french show and it's like weeeks agoooooooo.
more sleepless nights to come. where got time to find bf. so aish, pls remove that wish of yours from ur wishlist. haha i'll be too busy.
and i love touch rugby.
and i gonna miss ross.
and i want to watch hide and seek.
and i want to eat dim sum with sab.
and i want to go sempang bedok.
and i wanna go johor, and movie marathon there.
and i just wanna sit down and slack the whole day.
and im seriously tired. too exhausted.
and i don't feel like going to skool tmr morning. argh. help me. haha
Saturday, February 19, 2005
prism of us.
hmmm. i quote this from a book that im reading. just want to share it."I am, as we all are',...'an amalgam of characters, a paradigm of emotional tests and conflicts. So there is no one me, just as there is no one you. We're like prisms, with more sides and angles than we can imagine, and where the light catches the prism today determines who we are, and how we respond, today.'...'We all have a coexistence of anger and peace; love and hate; loyalty and deceit; depravity and morality. The capability of each is in us all, so if the issue is a crippled child, and the light catches pity, that is how we will respond. But it could equally catch indifference, or revulsion, because maybe the circumstances in our lives are such at that moment that we can't feel for another. So on any given day, we could have a totally different responses to any given situation. That doesnt change who we are, it merely illustrates our complexity."
hmmm, interesting right? just something i got from a fiction book. but it's interesting from the way how the writer of the book puts it. cant help but to agree. there is some truth there. that we cant control what we feel.
i think i've come close to painting my prism black. so that the light cant reflect anything. cos there were times i blocked out all the feelings. the keyword is blocked, meaning i refuse to feel that way. it hurts sometimes but what can i do to make myself feel better. or mayb at most of the time i feel indifferent. unless its a happy feeling.
confusion state. whatever i've decided to let go or forget, i really hope it remains in the past. but sometimes, there were moments when i suddenly thought of it or that someone. den i realised that its not that easy to let go.
Friday, February 18, 2005
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
im mad. mad after the game. cos it went well. the juniors played very well. they took it very well. despite losing, i still think we did well. haha
and oh sab said. she is still smiling and she is still smiling and smiling and smiling and more from a-z, 1-o and on and and on and on... which i dunno wat else to add on cos i forgot what she told me but i made the effort to type it down rite? so dun slap me. haha :P
and even though we did well, we must not be over too confident k? haha we must keep our standard there and play our best like it's our very last game. two more games. let's play like it's at our own trg field. *SMILES* i love you guys. muahhhhhhhhhhhhh
trg was good i guess. finally played as a team i think. haha but yah i have confidence in the angels. if everyone in the team, thinks that they can make a difference by playing their part and do it well, i suppose the team WILL do well. it's all in the mind. mentally prepared ya. totally focus. we need the teamwork. irregardless of whether you are junior or a senior.
i don't want to say anything cos im afraid it'll bring bad omen but let's just play well ya.
i think we play best when we are not pressured. so of cos.
and really pls. the chicken's asshole just don't know when to stop. it WONT'T stop. geddit? and it's going on rambling now. heh.
and been really busy. so thus explain y i haven been updating. with the chicken's asshole going non-stop. i just dont like people to keep on grumbling. i'll do anything to make it stop. o well.
im mad. mad after the game. cos it went well. the juniors played very well. they took it very well. despite losing, i still think we did well. haha
and oh sab said. she is still smiling and she is still smiling and smiling and smiling and more from a-z, 1-o and on and and on and on... which i dunno wat else to add on cos i forgot what she told me but i made the effort to type it down rite? so dun slap me. haha :P
and even though we did well, we must not be over too confident k? haha we must keep our standard there and play our best like it's our very last game. two more games. let's play like it's at our own trg field. *SMILES* i love you guys. muahhhhhhhhhhhhh
good luck darls.n to myself.
tmr is the game. erm it should be today.trg was good i guess. finally played as a team i think. haha but yah i have confidence in the angels. if everyone in the team, thinks that they can make a difference by playing their part and do it well, i suppose the team WILL do well. it's all in the mind. mentally prepared ya. totally focus. we need the teamwork. irregardless of whether you are junior or a senior.
i don't want to say anything cos im afraid it'll bring bad omen but let's just play well ya.
i think we play best when we are not pressured. so of cos.
and really pls. the chicken's asshole just don't know when to stop. it WONT'T stop. geddit? and it's going on rambling now. heh.
and been really busy. so thus explain y i haven been updating. with the chicken's asshole going non-stop. i just dont like people to keep on grumbling. i'll do anything to make it stop. o well.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
multiple entries in one day. this is what happens if i stays in front of the comp the whole day. yep, im trying to be a good girl and do my work. haha
sunday morning always makes me smile. as in the song. *smiles*
haha i just adore my frens. my classmates. i don't hate people. im more of a neutral person. i just love them for what they are. and flaws can be overlooked. yep, i just read their blogs and i love them. and i cant bear to leave school because of them. they are just what they are. and things wouldnt be the same if they are so perfect. every flaws makes one unique. right?
i was chatting with mark. oh right. yeah chatting + doing work. im a multi tasker u know. v day coming eh? haha i think im gonna spend that day with my makciks or sab maybe. pls, *cross my fingers* dun go out with ya bf-s? hey im happy being single but sometimes looking and talking to couples makes me feel rather incomplete. that i don't have the so called the other-half but i still love the way i am now. no strings attached. the gd thing bt being single is that, i can go out with anyone, boys or gals with no restrictions. no one to report to. no stress abt thinking for the other half's feelings, no obligations, and i can do whatever i want including embarrassing myself. heh. i think i gained alot of confidence ever since i became single. and i don't want to lose that again.
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go
Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
Chorus
Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have
Chorus
sunday morning always makes me smile. as in the song. *smiles*
haha i just adore my frens. my classmates. i don't hate people. im more of a neutral person. i just love them for what they are. and flaws can be overlooked. yep, i just read their blogs and i love them. and i cant bear to leave school because of them. they are just what they are. and things wouldnt be the same if they are so perfect. every flaws makes one unique. right?
i was chatting with mark. oh right. yeah chatting + doing work. im a multi tasker u know. v day coming eh? haha i think im gonna spend that day with my makciks or sab maybe. pls, *cross my fingers* dun go out with ya bf-s? hey im happy being single but sometimes looking and talking to couples makes me feel rather incomplete. that i don't have the so called the other-half but i still love the way i am now. no strings attached. the gd thing bt being single is that, i can go out with anyone, boys or gals with no restrictions. no one to report to. no stress abt thinking for the other half's feelings, no obligations, and i can do whatever i want including embarrassing myself. heh. i think i gained alot of confidence ever since i became single. and i don't want to lose that again.
One Last- Taufik Batisah
I never could imagine, life without youFrom the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go
Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
Chorus
Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have
Chorus
i feel bad for leaving halfway. in fact i feel shitty bout it. but i had to do what i had to do.
it's stupid. no point comforting myself with stupid reasons, no point getting angry at them bcos i know they are right.
erm, thanks helmet boy, for the ride home. appreciate it alot. super kind of u.
2 more mths im out of school. mayb 2 more mths to my own freedom. dat's when i'll grad. fast fast fast.
i feel like i've plunged into a blackhole. i just feel like screaming my head's off. i don't know.
i fee likel im living in a lie. everything is a lie. feelings hidden. ppl do to please. and me! im procrastinator. a big one. i just want to drop everything and go run away to some island. and then stay by myself.
i want to stay by myself. and probably sit and see the world goes by. and just sit quietly, minding my own business and observe everything. i just need that time to myself. of not doing anything. doing nothing at all. just chill and relax. cos everyday i've been doing something. to keep up with everyone.
and yeah. the Alfie show. nvr appreciate what he got till it's lost. sad. and i'll probably dedicate some time of my own to just slacking and enjoy life before i start moving on. no worries bout submission. maybe just stop by the beach and admire the blue sky or probably when the night time comes, den i'll stay awake counting the stars. been wanting to do that. cos once we start moving on, working and all that, i doubt we ever stop.
it's stupid. no point comforting myself with stupid reasons, no point getting angry at them bcos i know they are right.
erm, thanks helmet boy, for the ride home. appreciate it alot. super kind of u.
2 more mths im out of school. mayb 2 more mths to my own freedom. dat's when i'll grad. fast fast fast.
i feel like i've plunged into a blackhole. i just feel like screaming my head's off. i don't know.
i fee likel im living in a lie. everything is a lie. feelings hidden. ppl do to please. and me! im procrastinator. a big one. i just want to drop everything and go run away to some island. and then stay by myself.
i want to stay by myself. and probably sit and see the world goes by. and just sit quietly, minding my own business and observe everything. i just need that time to myself. of not doing anything. doing nothing at all. just chill and relax. cos everyday i've been doing something. to keep up with everyone.
and yeah. the Alfie show. nvr appreciate what he got till it's lost. sad. and i'll probably dedicate some time of my own to just slacking and enjoy life before i start moving on. no worries bout submission. maybe just stop by the beach and admire the blue sky or probably when the night time comes, den i'll stay awake counting the stars. been wanting to do that. cos once we start moving on, working and all that, i doubt we ever stop.
Friday, February 11, 2005
don't blame me for gloating. cos i really can't help it. may the last woman/girl wins. *sniggers*
im gloating cos i knew it wld happen. that it'll probably wont last. and it din.
haha im mean. maybe ur forgiven or.... maybe you'r not. probably i need to know the truth. the entire truth. but then again who gives a shit? and why am i even typing this? cos i feel like making the best out of the situation. im evil. yesh. and i cant believe that i even thought (e key word is thought) of ..... arh i don't even wanna mention it. haha if you know then good for ya. erm. im like an evil ex-gf. heh heh heh. but seriously i don't give a shit. i have other reasons to be happy about.
cos someone like finally called me. *rolls eyes* n yes im happy bout it.
and a happy news delivered to me in the morning. just something that im happy for my dear fren.
and i like the feeling of being asked out. really...
and i feel like sleeping now. sab, things WILL get better. love u. just a matter of keeping the faith.
ooh go watch that movie. she's hot and it's a good story. keeping the faith. hmmm like what fiza said. faith is trust without reservations.
im gloating cos i knew it wld happen. that it'll probably wont last. and it din.
haha im mean. maybe ur forgiven or.... maybe you'r not. probably i need to know the truth. the entire truth. but then again who gives a shit? and why am i even typing this? cos i feel like making the best out of the situation. im evil. yesh. and i cant believe that i even thought (e key word is thought) of ..... arh i don't even wanna mention it. haha if you know then good for ya. erm. im like an evil ex-gf. heh heh heh. but seriously i don't give a shit. i have other reasons to be happy about.
cos someone like finally called me. *rolls eyes* n yes im happy bout it.
and a happy news delivered to me in the morning. just something that im happy for my dear fren.
and i like the feeling of being asked out. really...
and i feel like sleeping now. sab, things WILL get better. love u. just a matter of keeping the faith.
ooh go watch that movie. she's hot and it's a good story. keeping the faith. hmmm like what fiza said. faith is trust without reservations.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
heh heh heh
i noe it seems unbelievable, but i just got home from jogging. *beams* haha
erh i only did it for awhile cos i had an intense tummy pain.
i worry that i may get stomach cancer or stomach ulcer or gallstones. it seems to run in my family line. my dad's side. and diabetes on my mum's side. its very worrying . there was couple of time i had this sharp pain on my tummy. it was very painful that i had to cry myself to slp. it doesn happen regularly tho. maybe its just gastric. worrying. or am i just paranoid?
i love biscuits. alot.
oh, and den enjoyed the breeze with my sis after the jog. and we had a long talk. bout what we gonna do in the future. im gonna turn 20 you know. pretty fast. 4 yrs ago i was struggling with my olevel, 3 yrs ago i was worrying whether i can get thru poly life and now i don't even want to graduate. me and my sis plans to stay by ourselves after we earn our own bucks. revamp the hse at joo chiat maybe. i wanna feel how issit like staying on my own. indepedent. but responsibilities ya. heh n permissions too. o well.
stayed at home. n didn do any frgging work. im gonna do it ltr. no worries. hope i can. watched the lord of the rings, return of the king, AGAIN. haha i just love watching it. again and again. heh. and then i watched Taxi and then Shark tale (reminds me of someone) and yeah Leon the Professional. haha dvd marathons kerper. erhhh im just super lazy. and sab, my aunt cooked black pepper beef! cant help it ar. *shakes head*
had a grt time yest. with sab, david and adam. yep yep. i feel guilty. haha don't ask why. anway good food n good company. we just chilled and enjoyed the movie. heh without the paddle. hahaha i like the cave's scene. =p and aiyah, the food was just fabulous ar. *grin* of cos thanks to me and sab. *wide grin*
and did i mention, the day before i went out with david and sab again. domestic affairs aye? haha
again the food was good. i think i have a small stomach. i felt the sharp pain after i finished my food. hmm. it was just painful. arh. nvm.
if i do die early, you guys know how much i love you all rite. and yeah to my fam too. i love them regardless of anything.
...how i do pick up the pieces of thread of an old life.....
for example, the what-if's situations. there were moments where we pondered and pondered, what-if we made that move but we didn cos we were too scared. and of cos you know the story, we spent the rest of time thinking what if. like in the show, just when the girl was about to atone what she had done, and do her what-if situation, fate just had to get back at her. an eye for an eye. she din get what she wanted to do 12 yrs ago cos it was abit too late. little did she know the guy had been waiting for her ever since she left.
and sometimes, we've got to make choices. decisions. for ourselves and the person we love . just because of tiny setbacks, you are ready to pack up and fly off. heh this is like literally out of the storyline. haha but yeah. choices. decision makings. who likes them?
after that, went to meet my fren's fren. haha totally. yeah so just walked all the way from city hall to clarke quay. yep yep crapped all the way. chill~
TODAY
haha had trg. woke up late. but den again they haven started trg so im okay rite. hah i've realised that i can be really harsh or mean in the field. im sorry if i am but i think i cant be all nicey all the time. sometimes, when we say it once or twice or thrice and it has no effect, i think its time to be stern. anyhoo if i did hurt anyone's feeling im sorry ay. i have alot more to say but shall stop it here.
went out with liz n sab. yep ate at banquet! haha i ate teriyaki set with wasabi! muahaha. but no effect cos eating with rice and gravy all that. after that we had blizzard again!!! yah. m feeling fat. r-e-a-l-l-y f-a-t.
i hate it when i've decided to do something and then i go all lazy. and to make it worst, i asked my sis along. and so my ear gonna ache today till i slp.
i read this blog. just a blog that i happened to chance upon. abt how sad she felt, upon losing her bf. it hurts. to be in that situation. put myself in her shoe. but then again u wont know the story until you know the other side of the story. so yeah. the thing is, with us, we nvr appreciate what we've got till we lost it. cherish what and who you have. no matter how many times this is said, we nvr really listen. cos we'r too caught up in the world of materialism, rat race and selfishness that we tend to forget those who cares for us.
and really. im sick of socialising with ppl. what's with PR? hmm. yep, i wont deny it's important in our daily routine but it's just full of crap shit. C-R-A-P. yesh. just full of hypocracy to get what you want. just full of sucking-up. what happens to honesty? i know these are just senseless comments. cos again without PR, there cld b a war happening now. it's just that, im sick of being a people pleaser (copy righted from sab). whatever i've said or done, it was from the bottom of my heart. i msged you that i miss you cos i really do. not to be in your good book or what. if i said something that hurt your feelings, its because i care. i can be very blunt but i do think before i speak. i give what i think you deserve. if you'r not happy, talk it out with me. im more than happy to straighten it out. tho things may not be the same again. bottom line is, life is just full of hypocracy and lies. i've always wondered, whether, whatever is or was said is the truth? maybe it's not an intentional lie or maybe it is. cos me, just like any other living human being, do lie. i've seen it. ppl backstabbing each other. to get what they want. i observes. but quietly. i spend my time thinking, trying to place the jigsaw pieces together. it's how i reflect on myself.
o well. time to rest. maybe joggin ltr. im not satisfied with the trg today.
i noe it seems unbelievable, but i just got home from jogging. *beams* haha
erh i only did it for awhile cos i had an intense tummy pain.
i worry that i may get stomach cancer or stomach ulcer or gallstones. it seems to run in my family line. my dad's side. and diabetes on my mum's side. its very worrying . there was couple of time i had this sharp pain on my tummy. it was very painful that i had to cry myself to slp. it doesn happen regularly tho. maybe its just gastric. worrying. or am i just paranoid?
i love biscuits. alot.
oh, and den enjoyed the breeze with my sis after the jog. and we had a long talk. bout what we gonna do in the future. im gonna turn 20 you know. pretty fast. 4 yrs ago i was struggling with my olevel, 3 yrs ago i was worrying whether i can get thru poly life and now i don't even want to graduate. me and my sis plans to stay by ourselves after we earn our own bucks. revamp the hse at joo chiat maybe. i wanna feel how issit like staying on my own. indepedent. but responsibilities ya. heh n permissions too. o well.
stayed at home. n didn do any frgging work. im gonna do it ltr. no worries. hope i can. watched the lord of the rings, return of the king, AGAIN. haha i just love watching it. again and again. heh. and then i watched Taxi and then Shark tale (reminds me of someone) and yeah Leon the Professional. haha dvd marathons kerper. erhhh im just super lazy. and sab, my aunt cooked black pepper beef! cant help it ar. *shakes head*
had a grt time yest. with sab, david and adam. yep yep. i feel guilty. haha don't ask why. anway good food n good company. we just chilled and enjoyed the movie. heh without the paddle. hahaha i like the cave's scene. =p and aiyah, the food was just fabulous ar. *grin* of cos thanks to me and sab. *wide grin*
and did i mention, the day before i went out with david and sab again. domestic affairs aye? haha
again the food was good. i think i have a small stomach. i felt the sharp pain after i finished my food. hmm. it was just painful. arh. nvm.
if i do die early, you guys know how much i love you all rite. and yeah to my fam too. i love them regardless of anything.
...how i do pick up the pieces of thread of an old life.....
Monday, February 07, 2005
long entry
went out to catch a french movie yest with my fren. the movie was so-so movie but with lots of reality bites in it.for example, the what-if's situations. there were moments where we pondered and pondered, what-if we made that move but we didn cos we were too scared. and of cos you know the story, we spent the rest of time thinking what if. like in the show, just when the girl was about to atone what she had done, and do her what-if situation, fate just had to get back at her. an eye for an eye. she din get what she wanted to do 12 yrs ago cos it was abit too late. little did she know the guy had been waiting for her ever since she left.
and sometimes, we've got to make choices. decisions. for ourselves and the person we love . just because of tiny setbacks, you are ready to pack up and fly off. heh this is like literally out of the storyline. haha but yeah. choices. decision makings. who likes them?
after that, went to meet my fren's fren. haha totally. yeah so just walked all the way from city hall to clarke quay. yep yep crapped all the way. chill~
TODAY
haha had trg. woke up late. but den again they haven started trg so im okay rite. hah i've realised that i can be really harsh or mean in the field. im sorry if i am but i think i cant be all nicey all the time. sometimes, when we say it once or twice or thrice and it has no effect, i think its time to be stern. anyhoo if i did hurt anyone's feeling im sorry ay. i have alot more to say but shall stop it here.
went out with liz n sab. yep ate at banquet! haha i ate teriyaki set with wasabi! muahaha. but no effect cos eating with rice and gravy all that. after that we had blizzard again!!! yah. m feeling fat. r-e-a-l-l-y f-a-t.
i hate it when i've decided to do something and then i go all lazy. and to make it worst, i asked my sis along. and so my ear gonna ache today till i slp.
i read this blog. just a blog that i happened to chance upon. abt how sad she felt, upon losing her bf. it hurts. to be in that situation. put myself in her shoe. but then again u wont know the story until you know the other side of the story. so yeah. the thing is, with us, we nvr appreciate what we've got till we lost it. cherish what and who you have. no matter how many times this is said, we nvr really listen. cos we'r too caught up in the world of materialism, rat race and selfishness that we tend to forget those who cares for us.
and really. im sick of socialising with ppl. what's with PR? hmm. yep, i wont deny it's important in our daily routine but it's just full of crap shit. C-R-A-P. yesh. just full of hypocracy to get what you want. just full of sucking-up. what happens to honesty? i know these are just senseless comments. cos again without PR, there cld b a war happening now. it's just that, im sick of being a people pleaser (copy righted from sab). whatever i've said or done, it was from the bottom of my heart. i msged you that i miss you cos i really do. not to be in your good book or what. if i said something that hurt your feelings, its because i care. i can be very blunt but i do think before i speak. i give what i think you deserve. if you'r not happy, talk it out with me. im more than happy to straighten it out. tho things may not be the same again. bottom line is, life is just full of hypocracy and lies. i've always wondered, whether, whatever is or was said is the truth? maybe it's not an intentional lie or maybe it is. cos me, just like any other living human being, do lie. i've seen it. ppl backstabbing each other. to get what they want. i observes. but quietly. i spend my time thinking, trying to place the jigsaw pieces together. it's how i reflect on myself.
o well. time to rest. maybe joggin ltr. im not satisfied with the trg today.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the more i look at it the more i hate myself. hmmrph. y aint life fair? o i forgot. life is fair. riteeeeeee. optimism eh? haha think happy tots. happy tots. happy tots.
im always in denial. i refused to believe in something just because its unpleasant.
or mayb it's just optimisim. i refuse to let certain things get to me. i refuse to think abt it.
like alot of things. my fam, my work and tiny little things that will make me pity myself.
i hate self pity. its' the only way to make myself strong. its the only way to make myself believe after all life is not so shitty.
eh watever la. haha kk i wanna go read book n rest.
the more i look at it the more i hate myself. hmmrph. y aint life fair? o i forgot. life is fair. riteeeeeee. optimism eh? haha think happy tots. happy tots. happy tots.
living in denial
hmmm. i think i lie to myself most of the time.im always in denial. i refused to believe in something just because its unpleasant.
or mayb it's just optimisim. i refuse to let certain things get to me. i refuse to think abt it.
like alot of things. my fam, my work and tiny little things that will make me pity myself.
i hate self pity. its' the only way to make myself strong. its the only way to make myself believe after all life is not so shitty.
eh watever la. haha kk i wanna go read book n rest.
muaha. i'm having headache. i had three traumatised incidents. but it was all good. i mean im fine. but ar, shocking. im still shocked. really. the ants, giap? n the rum.
haha a big shoutout to yum. THANKS for the brownie. haha shiok ar.
nvm. i shall not think bout it. haha having headache now.
damn it ar. been eating non-stop. as long as der is sab nearby, i cant stop eating.
yest-the blizzard was damn shiok ar, the food at railway stn damn shiok can. thanks ar sab.
yest nite eat n eat n eat until my tummy want to burst. it was damn painful. hmm. limited space. not like some ppl. and today also. gd food *shakes head*
trg was the usual i guess. played game. im glad u came sab. love ya. haha shiok ar. i want more trg b4 ivp. but yep, next next tues is our first game. heh.
the spinnovex. wahahaha. totally. do guys look good in formal clothings or wat. or was i drunk today? i duno. haha but tiring. heh stood the whole day and entertain ppl. but i learnt alot of of stuffs ar. hahahaha
im still shocked. heh
oh wait. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RINA TAN. muacks.
anyway. birthday party at the tiger brewery was maddening.fun. unforgettable(really)
the food was good. the crowd was crazy. the game, the singing, the lucky draw and the angels was just great. yep, we don't to have to drink beer to get high. the angels are enough.
haha
i had a grt time. been laughing and cheering till i think i lost my voice for a while. haha anyway
the party rawks. every single thing rawks. especially the dancing part. muahaha i din dance tho. thanks rina.
i cldnt stop smiling to myself.
admist talking on the phone, i cld only grasp the word mak nya? haha
i was really tired yest nite.
i realised, drms makes me feel more for whoever i drmt abt. like yest nite. muaha. provided i rem them.
i love the angels. im scared of drunk ppl. haha. eh pape lah....
and sab. don't worry ya. that phase will go off soon.
haha a big shoutout to yum. THANKS for the brownie. haha shiok ar.
nvm. i shall not think bout it. haha having headache now.
damn it ar. been eating non-stop. as long as der is sab nearby, i cant stop eating.
yest-the blizzard was damn shiok ar, the food at railway stn damn shiok can. thanks ar sab.
yest nite eat n eat n eat until my tummy want to burst. it was damn painful. hmm. limited space. not like some ppl. and today also. gd food *shakes head*
trg was the usual i guess. played game. im glad u came sab. love ya. haha shiok ar. i want more trg b4 ivp. but yep, next next tues is our first game. heh.
the spinnovex. wahahaha. totally. do guys look good in formal clothings or wat. or was i drunk today? i duno. haha but tiring. heh stood the whole day and entertain ppl. but i learnt alot of of stuffs ar. hahahaha
im still shocked. heh
Friday, February 04, 2005
ballistic fun!
hmm let me try to recall what happened yesterday.oh wait. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RINA TAN. muacks.
anyway. birthday party at the tiger brewery was maddening.fun. unforgettable(really)
the food was good. the crowd was crazy. the game, the singing, the lucky draw and the angels was just great. yep, we don't to have to drink beer to get high. the angels are enough.
haha
i had a grt time. been laughing and cheering till i think i lost my voice for a while. haha anyway
the party rawks. every single thing rawks. especially the dancing part. muahaha i din dance tho. thanks rina.
i cldnt stop smiling to myself.
admist talking on the phone, i cld only grasp the word mak nya? haha
i was really tired yest nite.
i realised, drms makes me feel more for whoever i drmt abt. like yest nite. muaha. provided i rem them.
i love the angels. im scared of drunk ppl. haha. eh pape lah....
and sab. don't worry ya. that phase will go off soon.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
hmmm. emo. but im fine. really. hmmmmmmmmmmm
1.10 am
I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me
did i ever mention i love nelly? i think i did. plenty of time rite?
and black eye pea? their songs rawks.
n im feeling lazy to do my work. getting bored.
noe y i aint slpy? cos i drank one whole jug of coffee. yep yep.
it works for me. im getting restless but lazy to do my work. argh. haha
my back aches. shucks. can i go to slp? heh
and mr cheah wants to c my work tmr. totally. i have to bring my file to skool and for the birthday party too?
noe wat. i cant stop having things for chinese guys. am i mad? mayb its just bcause i like to converse in english? hmm. haha haiyah wat am i blabbering.
i miss my late mum. miss her checking on me. in the middle of night. miss having her there, nagging at me to go to slp. miss her squabbles. miss everything bt her. its time like this that i can reminisce over e good times. i happened to blog hop to someone's blog. his sis just passed away. reading whatever he wrote, brought back memories. both happy and painful ones. he hates hospital too! lol been what, 5 mths since she passed away? hmm. time flies real fast. but it felt just like yesterday. o well.
i like this song really alot. think i mentioned it b4. hellsing soundtrack. oh today's the final episode.
I never really feel quite right
I don't know why,
all I know is there's something wrong
Every time I look at you, you seem so alive
Tell me how do you do it, walk me through it
I'm following every footstep
Baby on your own you take a conscious step
Do you wanna give it up?
But all I want is for you to SHINE
Shine down on me
Shine on this life that's burning out
I say a lot of things sometimes that don't come out right
And I act like I don't know why
I guess a reaction is all I was looking for
You looked through me, you really knew me like no one has EVER looked before
Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?
2.00 am
heh. nice. really. okay i've been on this blog for like 2 hrs. so that explains why there are two songs here. doing my work while typing. i need a break ar.
totally gave someone a wake up call like hw many times but he din pick up. o well. must be slping like a log. heh
and i just realised i din change my friendster profile since dunno when. i was grossed out when i saw the phrase "i still adores retarded dinosaur". eeeeewwwwwww. haha but i changed already.
2.20 am. my fav song again! shine. heh. im hungry ar. din eat dinner. no time? excuses only.
i tink i gonna concentrate fully on my work n hopefully i can go to slp by 4 am. heh heh
1.10 am
I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me
did i ever mention i love nelly? i think i did. plenty of time rite?
and black eye pea? their songs rawks.
n im feeling lazy to do my work. getting bored.
noe y i aint slpy? cos i drank one whole jug of coffee. yep yep.
it works for me. im getting restless but lazy to do my work. argh. haha
my back aches. shucks. can i go to slp? heh
and mr cheah wants to c my work tmr. totally. i have to bring my file to skool and for the birthday party too?
noe wat. i cant stop having things for chinese guys. am i mad? mayb its just bcause i like to converse in english? hmm. haha haiyah wat am i blabbering.
i miss my late mum. miss her checking on me. in the middle of night. miss having her there, nagging at me to go to slp. miss her squabbles. miss everything bt her. its time like this that i can reminisce over e good times. i happened to blog hop to someone's blog. his sis just passed away. reading whatever he wrote, brought back memories. both happy and painful ones. he hates hospital too! lol been what, 5 mths since she passed away? hmm. time flies real fast. but it felt just like yesterday. o well.
i like this song really alot. think i mentioned it b4. hellsing soundtrack. oh today's the final episode.
I never really feel quite right
I don't know why,
all I know is there's something wrong
Every time I look at you, you seem so alive
Tell me how do you do it, walk me through it
I'm following every footstep
Baby on your own you take a conscious step
Do you wanna give it up?
But all I want is for you to SHINE
Shine down on me
Shine on this life that's burning out
I say a lot of things sometimes that don't come out right
And I act like I don't know why
I guess a reaction is all I was looking for
You looked through me, you really knew me like no one has EVER looked before
Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?
2.00 am
heh. nice. really. okay i've been on this blog for like 2 hrs. so that explains why there are two songs here. doing my work while typing. i need a break ar.
totally gave someone a wake up call like hw many times but he din pick up. o well. must be slping like a log. heh
and i just realised i din change my friendster profile since dunno when. i was grossed out when i saw the phrase "i still adores retarded dinosaur". eeeeewwwwwww. haha but i changed already.
2.20 am. my fav song again! shine. heh. im hungry ar. din eat dinner. no time? excuses only.
i tink i gonna concentrate fully on my work n hopefully i can go to slp by 4 am. heh heh
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
hmmm. this has nth to do with whatever happened just now. but in fact im glad it happen.
i cried, after so long. i just crumbled.
i may be irritating, grouchy, mean, sarcastic or i duno. but deep dwn in me lies a heart that loves u guys tremendously. really i do. i treat my frens like precious gems, just that i don't have extra cash to pamper or treat you guys. i hope that by my little actions or smses, you guys know how much i cherish u all. i made effort. period. i try my best to be there.
im sorry, if u tot i was nvr there, cos im always here
im sorry, if i was ever harsh with my words, cos i believe, i din mean it
im sorry, if u ever tot i forgot bout you, cos no matter wat, u guys will always be close to my heart.
mayb i have too much anger in me. mayb i kept everything for too long. i was hoping it'll go away. but im glad i kind of let it out today. tmr will be a better day.
oh ya. love you guys ya.
haha. emo ar. bah
p.s im nt asking for anything. im nt asking to be loved the same way. im nt asking for anything at all. nor am i expecting anything. just expressing myself.
i cried, after so long. i just crumbled.
i may be irritating, grouchy, mean, sarcastic or i duno. but deep dwn in me lies a heart that loves u guys tremendously. really i do. i treat my frens like precious gems, just that i don't have extra cash to pamper or treat you guys. i hope that by my little actions or smses, you guys know how much i cherish u all. i made effort. period. i try my best to be there.
im sorry, if u tot i was nvr there, cos im always here
im sorry, if i was ever harsh with my words, cos i believe, i din mean it
im sorry, if u ever tot i forgot bout you, cos no matter wat, u guys will always be close to my heart.
mayb i have too much anger in me. mayb i kept everything for too long. i was hoping it'll go away. but im glad i kind of let it out today. tmr will be a better day.
oh ya. love you guys ya.
haha. emo ar. bah
p.s im nt asking for anything. im nt asking to be loved the same way. im nt asking for anything at all. nor am i expecting anything. just expressing myself.