argh i cant stop tinking.
i was juz tinking shld i go next wk or not?
i belif my late mum is still arnd. juz dat i cant c her. im worried bt going out n nt coming hm.
im worried dat, she'll somehw worry bt me. mayb im being paranoid.
she used to wait up 4 me, even tho i wasnt coming hm. or any of my siblings. she wld ask my sis or me to call huever wasn hm. she was always worrying bt us.
argh slap me pls. i really miss her. i really do. very much. prob e reason y i cldnt slp at nite was juz to confirm everything. i wanna b der if my late mum happen 2 be "arnd". i really really really wish to c her, juz for 1 more time. juz to hear her voice.even in any form.i cldnt even c her in my drms.i noe she's somewhere in a peaceful place, back to d Creator. but. i miss her. tremendously. words cant describe the loss im feeling.
anyway babes, thanks for making me laff again today. enjoyed ur company. skool been grt n i ought to b doing my work nw. hope it can get things off my mind.
in skool alone, k nt really alone. wif aish. the rest of the kaki r doing models at home.
feeling rather sian.
din update yest cos was really caught up wif my model. me doing some of d pasting nw. n im nt sure hw to go on wif my work. hope i can finish my work n submit wif relief on sat.
anyway i admit i was rather gloomy in skool yest, sori bt dat but nevertheless ive gt grt kakis arnd me. appreciate their efforts in making me smile n joke arnd. really, the jokes were funny. lol
n yeah thanks 4 the company home too vicki n candy. east side ppl ar. n thanks for the S pin. lol pinned it to my pencil case. i miss trg. wish i can take things out of my mind easily. seems difficult for me to smile. i dun seem to gif enuff attention 2 myself. im worried dat when im in d public, i'll look stupid or forget to wear something. lyk undergarments. or forgot 2 zip my pants or wear my tshirt on the underside. lol i fear dat alot. lucky i dun put on make up, or i'll haf to worry abt my face. the eyeliner on my lips n the lipstick on my eyes. lol
lyk wad every1 wld say, it takes time. things wil brigthen up i guess.
niway, der will b a kenduri 4 my cousin this sat. nt sure whether im going. der used to b 5 of us. nw its down to 4. *sigh*
feeling rather sian.
din update yest cos was really caught up wif my model. me doing some of d pasting nw. n im nt sure hw to go on wif my work. hope i can finish my work n submit wif relief on sat.
anyway i admit i was rather gloomy in skool yest, sori bt dat but nevertheless ive gt grt kakis arnd me. appreciate their efforts in making me smile n joke arnd. really, the jokes were funny. lol
n yeah thanks 4 the company home too vicki n candy. east side ppl ar. n thanks for the S pin. lol pinned it to my pencil case. i miss trg. wish i can take things out of my mind easily. seems difficult for me to smile. i dun seem to gif enuff attention 2 myself. im worried dat when im in d public, i'll look stupid or forget to wear something. lyk undergarments. or forgot 2 zip my pants or wear my tshirt on the underside. lol i fear dat alot. lucky i dun put on make up, or i'll haf to worry abt my face. the eyeliner on my lips n the lipstick on my eyes. lol
lyk wad every1 wld say, it takes time. things wil brigthen up i guess.
niway, der will b a kenduri 4 my cousin this sat. nt sure whether im going. der used to b 5 of us. nw its down to 4. *sigh*
Sunday, August 29, 2004
im pretty exhausted myself. slpt at 4am n woke up at 7+ am. i've gt huge eyebags nw. i dunno y i juz cldnt slp yest nite.
felt really uncomfortable. kept tossing arnd. i hope nth bad is gonna happen or probably i juz had too much things on my mind.
went arnd the hse looking at others slping.enuff of dat niway
felt good when i saw my sec skoolmates.farah, ekta n bird. miss dem tons. d last time i c dem was ages ago. dey look grt, der r changes of cos. was kind of busy today. helped arnd in d kitchen. said prayers 4 my late mum. im still feeling d loss.
but yah im still fine, stronger den yest. n my lollipops r all gone. well, i shall juz go n get somemore eh.
lots of leftover, ate alot. i can feel the fats settling demself on my hip n arms n thighs. bah. im tired. been stoning. made a stupid mistake today.
felt really uncomfortable. kept tossing arnd. i hope nth bad is gonna happen or probably i juz had too much things on my mind.
went arnd the hse looking at others slping.enuff of dat niway
felt good when i saw my sec skoolmates.farah, ekta n bird. miss dem tons. d last time i c dem was ages ago. dey look grt, der r changes of cos. was kind of busy today. helped arnd in d kitchen. said prayers 4 my late mum. im still feeling d loss.
but yah im still fine, stronger den yest. n my lollipops r all gone. well, i shall juz go n get somemore eh.
lots of leftover, ate alot. i can feel the fats settling demself on my hip n arms n thighs. bah. im tired. been stoning. made a stupid mistake today.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
hmm bought the lollipops liao. the day went fine. i've got a new line. yeah so i'll sms everyone k.
anyway had a grt time doing this spot the difference game. difficult but yeah worth playing it. so try getting the highscore k den tell me. here's the webby.
http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/zoeken.html
haf fun playing. ;)
i shall cherish every memories of my mum. i miss her.
anyway had a grt time doing this spot the difference game. difficult but yeah worth playing it. so try getting the highscore k den tell me. here's the webby.
http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/zoeken.html
haf fun playing. ;)
i shall cherish every memories of my mum. i miss her.
august 24th, a date worth my remembrance
i remembered my grandparent's. 13th october n 24th Oct
i've always wondered whether it was a jinx to stay on d 13th floor. not dat i do now. i've always tot my grandma's death had got to do wif e no 13. well i was 11 right den. first death i've ever encountered, n i do remember d emotions i felt at dat time. she was e pillar in my life.
i've lost 3 most precious ppl in my life. i guess, all this juz made me even stronger den yesterday.
my life is complicated, no doubts bt it. nt even a single person out der noes it i guess.
anyway im taking it well. my sis n bro are taking it well. dey r doing stuffs dat make dem happy. singing, npcc, watever it is, it seems to lessen their pain.
life still goes on. pardon me if u catch me stoning or m juz quiet. probably im juz nt taking it as well as my siblings are. im glad dat my late mum is no longer suffering. she's till arnd i guess. watching over e fam. prayers is all i've gt to gif.
i hope she noes dat i love her very much n i noe dat she loved us tremendously.
p.s: im getting on well.n thanks for the card, it soothes my heart reading those words.
n i prefer darlie to colgate n i need to top myself up wif lollipops for e little boys n girls coming tmr. n im still giving u 2 lollipops vicki. c im fine. its my mindset. tho i may need fonecalls here n der to get rid of d loneliness.
juz a note. life's can real crappy at times. im nt sure hw things gonna b in d future. my unc, the one n only one hu's been taking care of the food, the house, the bills is gonna get retrenched. n my dad's nt werking. i juz hope this may b a blessing in disguise. i've gt to do something bt it. lets' hope im nt too late. n dun worry, im still taking it well.
i remembered my grandparent's. 13th october n 24th Oct
i've always wondered whether it was a jinx to stay on d 13th floor. not dat i do now. i've always tot my grandma's death had got to do wif e no 13. well i was 11 right den. first death i've ever encountered, n i do remember d emotions i felt at dat time. she was e pillar in my life.
i've lost 3 most precious ppl in my life. i guess, all this juz made me even stronger den yesterday.
my life is complicated, no doubts bt it. nt even a single person out der noes it i guess.
anyway im taking it well. my sis n bro are taking it well. dey r doing stuffs dat make dem happy. singing, npcc, watever it is, it seems to lessen their pain.
life still goes on. pardon me if u catch me stoning or m juz quiet. probably im juz nt taking it as well as my siblings are. im glad dat my late mum is no longer suffering. she's till arnd i guess. watching over e fam. prayers is all i've gt to gif.
i hope she noes dat i love her very much n i noe dat she loved us tremendously.
p.s: im getting on well.n thanks for the card, it soothes my heart reading those words.
n i prefer darlie to colgate n i need to top myself up wif lollipops for e little boys n girls coming tmr. n im still giving u 2 lollipops vicki. c im fine. its my mindset. tho i may need fonecalls here n der to get rid of d loneliness.
juz a note. life's can real crappy at times. im nt sure hw things gonna b in d future. my unc, the one n only one hu's been taking care of the food, the house, the bills is gonna get retrenched. n my dad's nt werking. i juz hope this may b a blessing in disguise. i've gt to do something bt it. lets' hope im nt too late. n dun worry, im still taking it well.
Friday, August 27, 2004
im stronger today. i tink. at least i din cry when i woke up. or prob its bcos im looking at her face everyday.
i belif i will nvr get over d fact dat my late mum is gone. it's nt possible. it will b juz less painful day by day.
im glad i've my family, chester n my frens arnd. it made each day easier. make me busy so dat i wont tink too much. im lucky too cos i haf kids in my hse. dey make me smile.
i need some time 4 myself too. silence. 4 my mum.
im still devastated, no doubt bt it.
yet at the same time i need to go out. i need 2 b arnd ppl.
im confused, tired, exhausted.
emotionally drained. im nt excited bt anything
it's too quiet. i shldnt tink so much. nt good for me.
im in a daze. im sorry. its juz me.
i belif i will nvr get over d fact dat my late mum is gone. it's nt possible. it will b juz less painful day by day.
im glad i've my family, chester n my frens arnd. it made each day easier. make me busy so dat i wont tink too much. im lucky too cos i haf kids in my hse. dey make me smile.
i need some time 4 myself too. silence. 4 my mum.
im still devastated, no doubt bt it.
yet at the same time i need to go out. i need 2 b arnd ppl.
im confused, tired, exhausted.
emotionally drained. im nt excited bt anything
it's too quiet. i shldnt tink so much. nt good for me.
im in a daze. im sorry. its juz me.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
got back from skool hrs ago. to c the lecturer bt my work.
i cant face anyone yet. im nt ready yet. nt ready, my heart is still wif my mum. still tinkin bt her. i cant seem to get over it. im sorry. i've gt to get this over. i hate being in dis state.
thank god tmr is fri, which mean no skool for me. i dun 1 2 b absent 4 too long.
the lecturers was understanding enuff. this yr, i belif had to b the hardest im going thru. im nt sure hw it'll b b in d future. so far, im feeling rather lonely. my hse seems empty. so quiet.
im still trying to get over wat had happen 2 days ago. it seems unbelievable. i noe der is nth much i can do for my mum but pray so dat her soul will b blessed n she gets to go to heaven. but d sadness is der, i cant avoid it. i love my mum more den my dad. it's a fact. din expect things to happen so fast. watever it is, she's loved more by GOD den i do.
anyway, this sunday,der will b a kenduri arwah. u guys r welcome to come. it'll b after zuhur, after 1 pm. im sure the angels wont b able to make cos dey gt game. good luck babes.
n thanks candy for the ride home. i needed it most. i cldnt bear going home by myself.
i cant face anyone yet. im nt ready yet. nt ready, my heart is still wif my mum. still tinkin bt her. i cant seem to get over it. im sorry. i've gt to get this over. i hate being in dis state.
thank god tmr is fri, which mean no skool for me. i dun 1 2 b absent 4 too long.
the lecturers was understanding enuff. this yr, i belif had to b the hardest im going thru. im nt sure hw it'll b b in d future. so far, im feeling rather lonely. my hse seems empty. so quiet.
im still trying to get over wat had happen 2 days ago. it seems unbelievable. i noe der is nth much i can do for my mum but pray so dat her soul will b blessed n she gets to go to heaven. but d sadness is der, i cant avoid it. i love my mum more den my dad. it's a fact. din expect things to happen so fast. watever it is, she's loved more by GOD den i do.
anyway, this sunday,der will b a kenduri arwah. u guys r welcome to come. it'll b after zuhur, after 1 pm. im sure the angels wont b able to make cos dey gt game. good luck babes.
n thanks candy for the ride home. i needed it most. i cldnt bear going home by myself.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
im sick of putting up a strong face. really, cos deep down, im nt dat. do u noe hw does it feels lyk losing someone dat gaf birth to u? losing someone dat lives practically d entire life wif u?
im nt strong bcos its juz me. i haf to b strong for my sis, for my bro, for my entire fam n for my mum. its bcos i need to b. the world wont wait for me.
i miss my mum's jumps, tickles, poking, frequent qns, waiting up late for me, calling me pretty juz bcos i wear something new, her love for me n her complains. i belif she doted on me d most cos she seldom scolded me. she listened to me, she'll tok to me when she's bored. i noe it's only been one day. but i cant stop tinking things wld nvr b d same in d future.
p.s. i wld appreciate it if anyone wld juz nt ask me whether im okay, cos d truth is im not. anyone shld frigging noe im nt okay after losing my mum. im sorry but i've gt to say this. nt dat i dun appreciate the concern, im juz worried i may break down any moment. i've always had a hard time saying im okay cos im not.
anyway my dearest frens, thanks for all d effort made to make me feel better. n my classmates too, thanks alot. i really do appreciate it, it will make a difference to me n my fam.
thanks for d effort to cheer me up. love you all.
thanks for coming over to my hse, i will tide this over.
thanks dear for being understanding. love you too.
im nt strong bcos its juz me. i haf to b strong for my sis, for my bro, for my entire fam n for my mum. its bcos i need to b. the world wont wait for me.
i miss my mum's jumps, tickles, poking, frequent qns, waiting up late for me, calling me pretty juz bcos i wear something new, her love for me n her complains. i belif she doted on me d most cos she seldom scolded me. she listened to me, she'll tok to me when she's bored. i noe it's only been one day. but i cant stop tinking things wld nvr b d same in d future.
p.s. i wld appreciate it if anyone wld juz nt ask me whether im okay, cos d truth is im not. anyone shld frigging noe im nt okay after losing my mum. im sorry but i've gt to say this. nt dat i dun appreciate the concern, im juz worried i may break down any moment. i've always had a hard time saying im okay cos im not.
anyway my dearest frens, thanks for all d effort made to make me feel better. n my classmates too, thanks alot. i really do appreciate it, it will make a difference to me n my fam.
thanks for d effort to cheer me up. love you all.
thanks for coming over to my hse, i will tide this over.
thanks dear for being understanding. love you too.
anyway i was prob repeating my stuff. cos the blog is stupid.
niway guys thanks for the support. appreciate it.
i noe i'll b able to tide this over, juz need time.
time heals all wound.
anyway if u wanna come n pay respect to my mum, we r more den willing to welcome.
juz few more hours b4 the burial. i noe i mustn cry, no matter wat...
niway guys thanks for the support. appreciate it.
i noe i'll b able to tide this over, juz need time.
time heals all wound.
anyway if u wanna come n pay respect to my mum, we r more den willing to welcome.
juz few more hours b4 the burial. i noe i mustn cry, no matter wat...
i love my mum alot.
she had a hard time holding on to her last breath for us.
it was hurting n painful.
but we told her to go n not worry bt us.
she was unconscious but she heard us.
cos her bp raised up everytime she heard us toking.
she left, moments later wif a tear rolling down her cheek.
she'll always b in my heart no matter wat.
she had a hard time holding on to her last breath for us.
it was hurting n painful.
but we told her to go n not worry bt us.
she was unconscious but she heard us.
cos her bp raised up everytime she heard us toking.
she left, moments later wif a tear rolling down her cheek.
she'll always b in my heart no matter wat.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
my eyes r swollen
when i gt the news frm the doc dat she wont survive the nite, i cldnt stop crying.
juz hrs b4 dat, my mum was sitting, eating. she looked fine to me. din except it.
her heart was too weak to carry on.
she was unconscious. d doc was using medicine to revive but it can only last for half an hour.
but she was holding on for us. dat last half an hr, it lasted more den dat. she cld hear us toking to her. every moment she heard our voices, her heartbeat increase. but it was useless. she'll only suffer more.
we whispered in her ear" go, dun worry bt us"
we can take care of ourselves.
dun hold on anymore.
we love you.
moments after dat, she left us.
der was a tear rolling down.
i love her alot.
i cant imagine life without her.
when i gt the news frm the doc dat she wont survive the nite, i cldnt stop crying.
juz hrs b4 dat, my mum was sitting, eating. she looked fine to me. din except it.
her heart was too weak to carry on.
she was unconscious. d doc was using medicine to revive but it can only last for half an hour.
but she was holding on for us. dat last half an hr, it lasted more den dat. she cld hear us toking to her. every moment she heard our voices, her heartbeat increase. but it was useless. she'll only suffer more.
we whispered in her ear" go, dun worry bt us"
we can take care of ourselves.
dun hold on anymore.
we love you.
moments after dat, she left us.
der was a tear rolling down.
i love her alot.
i cant imagine life without her.
Monday, August 23, 2004
woo hoo.. today was grt. had a grt day wif the darlingssssssss. n aish came to skool which is lyk finally. so the four of us was hanging out, doing our work at d pavillion.
it was fun, juz chilling out n toking crap. lol by d way, hope darl fiza is getting on well, :) haha well nth much today actually, juz tutorial n lecture.
n yeah today is a special day too. lol
went to topshop again wif chester dear, n tried on dat top again!! love it, but no money @ d moment. nvm i'll get my hands on it soon. haha n i tried dis short black shirt which was woah. lol wat i meant is dat it was a killer. real nice, even chester agreed. haha but nah it is way too short 4 me. d skirt is lovely, pleated wif buttons at the side. haiz too bad. argh i must get dat tshirt soon! i've been thinking bt it even since i set my eyes on it. lol. n now the skirt. lol cannot cannot.
i saw fiza's slipper. real sweet n attention grabbing, SO pink. very nice. ;p. of cos lah, c the price. *jealous* lol. anyhoo, i've gt to catch today's Friends.
it was fun, juz chilling out n toking crap. lol by d way, hope darl fiza is getting on well, :) haha well nth much today actually, juz tutorial n lecture.
n yeah today is a special day too. lol
went to topshop again wif chester dear, n tried on dat top again!! love it, but no money @ d moment. nvm i'll get my hands on it soon. haha n i tried dis short black shirt which was woah. lol wat i meant is dat it was a killer. real nice, even chester agreed. haha but nah it is way too short 4 me. d skirt is lovely, pleated wif buttons at the side. haiz too bad. argh i must get dat tshirt soon! i've been thinking bt it even since i set my eyes on it. lol. n now the skirt. lol cannot cannot.
i saw fiza's slipper. real sweet n attention grabbing, SO pink. very nice. ;p. of cos lah, c the price. *jealous* lol. anyhoo, i've gt to catch today's Friends.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
my sunday evening was a bliss! period. went kite flying wif my fam. it was grt. the kite was soaring high thanks to unc tho it was his first time. lol
seriously, the scenery was fantastic. der were alot of kites n der was this kite, it was flying up so high dat i felt lyk cutting it off. ahah evil i noe. it was fun, wif ameera arnd. heh haha ended up rolling on d grass playing wif d little girl. n der was tis little called clarice, so adorable. she kept running back to us cos she was attracted to the small bicycle dat belongs to ameera. haha poor father cos he had to keep running back after d daughter.
n we r going again next week!! yay! haha this time we gonna come prepared. n probably more ppl pls! everyone was smiling when we left the field. made frens (applicable 4 my unc only) lol.
i feel lyk getting a kite of my own. it wld b pink, BIG, wif alot of little kites attached to it. haha beautiful. :)
seriously, the scenery was fantastic. der were alot of kites n der was this kite, it was flying up so high dat i felt lyk cutting it off. ahah evil i noe. it was fun, wif ameera arnd. heh haha ended up rolling on d grass playing wif d little girl. n der was tis little called clarice, so adorable. she kept running back to us cos she was attracted to the small bicycle dat belongs to ameera. haha poor father cos he had to keep running back after d daughter.
n we r going again next week!! yay! haha this time we gonna come prepared. n probably more ppl pls! everyone was smiling when we left the field. made frens (applicable 4 my unc only) lol.
i feel lyk getting a kite of my own. it wld b pink, BIG, wif alot of little kites attached to it. haha beautiful. :)
Saturday, August 21, 2004
hmmrpp li jia wei din win dat korean girl. it was a gd game tho. enjoyed watching it, haha especially wif my bro. he's avid fan of olympics. lol
niway din go out today, stayed at home, tried to do as much work as possible. hope tmr can go jalan2 lol. my butt is feeling sore now, too much of sitting down. bah, i dunno y i bother typing this down.
its tough being an elder sis. i dunno lah. say this wrg, say dat also wrg. the prob is she dun wanna hear my advice. well wat can i do den? if i say something it'll b directed back at me n hw bias parents n guardians are. i tink i shld juz zipped my lips n juz dun bother. but if i do dat, its lyk i dun gif a damn bt anything. i've said b4 i dun lyk quarrels, well i've already given her my advice. its up to her to tink abt wat i've said or juz follow heart n ignore wat i've said.
niway mas, if ur reading tis, u cant deny d fact dat wat i've said is rite. ur juz being stubborn n refuse to let go. learn to control ur temper n nt keep hatred. to b angry or not is up to u, no matter wat i've said cos no one can control u but urself.
niway din go out today, stayed at home, tried to do as much work as possible. hope tmr can go jalan2 lol. my butt is feeling sore now, too much of sitting down. bah, i dunno y i bother typing this down.
its tough being an elder sis. i dunno lah. say this wrg, say dat also wrg. the prob is she dun wanna hear my advice. well wat can i do den? if i say something it'll b directed back at me n hw bias parents n guardians are. i tink i shld juz zipped my lips n juz dun bother. but if i do dat, its lyk i dun gif a damn bt anything. i've said b4 i dun lyk quarrels, well i've already given her my advice. its up to her to tink abt wat i've said or juz follow heart n ignore wat i've said.
niway mas, if ur reading tis, u cant deny d fact dat wat i've said is rite. ur juz being stubborn n refuse to let go. learn to control ur temper n nt keep hatred. to b angry or not is up to u, no matter wat i've said cos no one can control u but urself.
k my net sux n this blogger always hang, so wat more can i ask for to make my day bad eh?
niway yest wanted to post an entry again but den it jammed on me so i juz cant b bothered to retype everything
niway i had a grt wif chester yest, watched avp. nt a bad show. loved d part where the predator illustrated on the bombing part. so funny. but the whole story line is abit lame lah. n saw fiza wif her darl at wisma.
n yeah i bought d green topshop tee shirt liao. haha i lyk it a lot but i still wanna get the other one. nice also. soon.
aniway my mum's appetite is getting good. must b d cook. lol n dat's my unc.
n oh yah, candy update me pls when u receive d reply. ;)
n i hope aish is coping well...
niway yest wanted to post an entry again but den it jammed on me so i juz cant b bothered to retype everything
niway i had a grt wif chester yest, watched avp. nt a bad show. loved d part where the predator illustrated on the bombing part. so funny. but the whole story line is abit lame lah. n saw fiza wif her darl at wisma.
n yeah i bought d green topshop tee shirt liao. haha i lyk it a lot but i still wanna get the other one. nice also. soon.
aniway my mum's appetite is getting good. must b d cook. lol n dat's my unc.
n oh yah, candy update me pls when u receive d reply. ;)
n i hope aish is coping well...
Thursday, August 19, 2004
after looking at my previous entry, it seems to show dat im a such a problematic girl. haha fret not. it's juz part of my life. i dun lyk ppl to pity me. i can handle problems well. :)
n im sorry dear 4 nt going out wif ya to watch movie today. sorry, my mistake. sorry 4 neglecting u.
n im sorry dear 4 nt going out wif ya to watch movie today. sorry, my mistake. sorry 4 neglecting u.
blogger suckx! i was posting my entry n den it disappeared!!
im freaking pissed. y cant my life b f***king peaceful for once!
im getting problems from everywhere. my relationship, my house n my work.
im sick of it, sick of everything.
on the brighter side, trg was fine, the usual. i dun feel lyk blogging
niway some part of my yesterday's entry, juz din get to post it out cos of my internet connection. juz wanna share wat happened yest.
life's nt easy. i think its rather screwed up. im getting into a depression mode again. its nt easy being a daughter,eldest sister, niece,fren n a good samaritan. im juz stoning. i had an impulse of running away from home juz an hr ago. was packing my stuffs den it hit me. i had nowhere to go. i haf responsibilities to take care of. life's crappy but we got to face d music.
i cant tolerate ppl hu shouts. i cant tolerate unnecessary arguments n comments. i cant tolerate stress. i cant tolerate human nature. i cant tolerate death n separation. i cant tolerate hurting n disappointing ppl. i cant tolerate sadness n yet im in one. i truly respect life n embrace it wif an open arm. i believe dat watever happens to us, it happens for a reason. i belif dat we shld b grateful whenever we can. grateful for everything cos everything juz dun fall in place when we were born. ppl arnd us worked hard for it n dat includes our parents n guardians. n i do tink n am grateful everyday dat im still alive.
wat im writing here is nt an act of anger towards anyone but rather to share wat i belif. i belif my sis wld b reading this, so i hope she understand dat life is not a bed of roses. growing up is hard but bear wif it till its over. i tink i matured too fast or im juz too sensible 4 my sis to understand.
anyway tmr trg, nt pretty sure wat to do at the moment. im confused n am having a terrible headache. gt to start on my work nw.
im freaking pissed. y cant my life b f***king peaceful for once!
im getting problems from everywhere. my relationship, my house n my work.
im sick of it, sick of everything.
on the brighter side, trg was fine, the usual. i dun feel lyk blogging
niway some part of my yesterday's entry, juz din get to post it out cos of my internet connection. juz wanna share wat happened yest.
life's nt easy. i think its rather screwed up. im getting into a depression mode again. its nt easy being a daughter,eldest sister, niece,fren n a good samaritan. im juz stoning. i had an impulse of running away from home juz an hr ago. was packing my stuffs den it hit me. i had nowhere to go. i haf responsibilities to take care of. life's crappy but we got to face d music.
i cant tolerate ppl hu shouts. i cant tolerate unnecessary arguments n comments. i cant tolerate stress. i cant tolerate human nature. i cant tolerate death n separation. i cant tolerate hurting n disappointing ppl. i cant tolerate sadness n yet im in one. i truly respect life n embrace it wif an open arm. i believe dat watever happens to us, it happens for a reason. i belif dat we shld b grateful whenever we can. grateful for everything cos everything juz dun fall in place when we were born. ppl arnd us worked hard for it n dat includes our parents n guardians. n i do tink n am grateful everyday dat im still alive.
wat im writing here is nt an act of anger towards anyone but rather to share wat i belif. i belif my sis wld b reading this, so i hope she understand dat life is not a bed of roses. growing up is hard but bear wif it till its over. i tink i matured too fast or im juz too sensible 4 my sis to understand.
anyway tmr trg, nt pretty sure wat to do at the moment. im confused n am having a terrible headache. gt to start on my work nw.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
im feeling depressed. bcos of dat stupid thing on the top my blog.
n im feeling down cos of the decision dat i've juz made. tearing non-stop. issit meant to be?
im regretting wat i've said half an hr ago. der seem to b no response. am i being selfish? im nt sure. relationship is nt easy. i dunno. hu noes one day later i may juz delete this entry. i feel lyk going into a hibernation mode n slp for few mths. by the time i wake up, i probably forget alot of things. i dunno wat made me did those thing while ago. im sorry... dat's all i can say...
n im feeling down cos of the decision dat i've juz made. tearing non-stop. issit meant to be?
im regretting wat i've said half an hr ago. der seem to b no response. am i being selfish? im nt sure. relationship is nt easy. i dunno. hu noes one day later i may juz delete this entry. i feel lyk going into a hibernation mode n slp for few mths. by the time i wake up, i probably forget alot of things. i dunno wat made me did those thing while ago. im sorry... dat's all i can say...
juz gt home from skool. skipped e last hr of tutorial. bored. almost 2/3 or the class was gone.
niway amirul gt his curly wurly cut off. hehe he look so girlie. haha more adorable. wanna c, fiza? lol
anyway trg is getting better i guess. it was good yest, lots of games. enjoyed it wif all the full blast music.
i think i gt to change my concept model again. aha. gt to get new boots but short of money. sux.
i also need a pair of sport shoes. haha
niway, life can b full of craps wif things called emotions. but den again it's dis thing called emotions dat made us human being.those terrorist r nt worth called human being cos dey r heartless.
i think, we shld learnt from our mistakes. things happen for a reason, n probably der is a blessing in disguise. real glad ur strong babe, cos its nt point brooding over something dat's nt meant to b. :)
niway amirul gt his curly wurly cut off. hehe he look so girlie. haha more adorable. wanna c, fiza? lol
anyway trg is getting better i guess. it was good yest, lots of games. enjoyed it wif all the full blast music.
i think i gt to change my concept model again. aha. gt to get new boots but short of money. sux.
i also need a pair of sport shoes. haha
niway, life can b full of craps wif things called emotions. but den again it's dis thing called emotions dat made us human being.those terrorist r nt worth called human being cos dey r heartless.
i think, we shld learnt from our mistakes. things happen for a reason, n probably der is a blessing in disguise. real glad ur strong babe, cos its nt point brooding over something dat's nt meant to b. :)
Sunday, August 15, 2004
yeah im dead bored.
watched the fireworks from my window juz nw. it was spectacular, even better den d one at esplanade. lol. i haf fetish for red fireworks, actually i've gt a liking 4 anything red n pink.
i really really really wanted to watch the fireworks wif chester but cldnt due to some restrictions. the feelings, watching it wif him wld b indescribable. i bet fiza's der watching it her special one. well if i cant haf everyting in d world, im juz happy to haf him :)
anyway, i almost complete my concept model. yeah but nt bringing it to skool. mayb on tues. too troublesome cos tmr gt trg. im satisfied at d moment wif my work. juz got to crack my brain alittle bit more. im slacking~ for some reason i cant stop blogging.
i noe im suppose to b doing work but i've been slacking. i made a pact to do my concept model by this weekend n i haven even gt any materials ready. mayb, juz mayb tonite i'll finish
suppose to go out wif chester yest n today but didn cos im lazy... n i tink i pissed him off today. a g a i n...
eating milo nw *grin* my fav thing to do. lol i juz wanna keep it simple today. niway gt a pic of amirul!! lol taken last sat.
he's so adorable.
n this pic always crack me up. lol *ahem* fiza dun drool ar..:P
watched the fireworks from my window juz nw. it was spectacular, even better den d one at esplanade. lol. i haf fetish for red fireworks, actually i've gt a liking 4 anything red n pink.
i really really really wanted to watch the fireworks wif chester but cldnt due to some restrictions. the feelings, watching it wif him wld b indescribable. i bet fiza's der watching it her special one. well if i cant haf everyting in d world, im juz happy to haf him :)
anyway, i almost complete my concept model. yeah but nt bringing it to skool. mayb on tues. too troublesome cos tmr gt trg. im satisfied at d moment wif my work. juz got to crack my brain alittle bit more. im slacking~ for some reason i cant stop blogging.
boredom is killing me...
im really bored. ran out of books to readi noe im suppose to b doing work but i've been slacking. i made a pact to do my concept model by this weekend n i haven even gt any materials ready. mayb, juz mayb tonite i'll finish
suppose to go out wif chester yest n today but didn cos im lazy... n i tink i pissed him off today. a g a i n...
eating milo nw *grin* my fav thing to do. lol i juz wanna keep it simple today. niway gt a pic of amirul!! lol taken last sat.
he's so adorable.
n this pic always crack me up. lol *ahem* fiza dun drool ar..:P
Saturday, August 14, 2004
bt my baby cousin, it turns out to b alrite. the parent of the boy wasnt dat pissed or making a big fuss of it. dey were perfectly calm abt it n here she is making a big fuss.i hate this type of ppl. juz love to ignite the fire.
i cld haf said alot of stuffs at d moment but it wld b lyk adding fuel to d already raging fire. so i juz kept quiet. n im keeping quiet now. in case u duno, im quite a quiet person by nature. hey i think it ryhmes. i prefer to observe rather den act it out. i prefer to sit at one corner n analyse ppl's behaviour. its juz me. i think its d way im brought up. always overshadowed by my sis demand of being in the center of attraction. i wld prefer to gif in den fight it out wif her. but sometimes being d way i am is boring. dat's y i strive on challenge, touch gifs me the edge. im craving for freedom at d moment. freedom nt in d sense of being to go home late. i wld love to go overseas n explore the world. wld love to quit my course n try another course n do it over n over n over again. i dun wan to stop short at juz architecture. im greedy. i noe, greedy for knowledge. but der is this thing called money. cant enjoy dat freedom cos shortage of money, age, responsibilities n my beliefs.
well im cooling dwn now. shld i go n shldn i? wif tis hair colour. lol. i wonder wat wld my aunt say.
i cld haf said alot of stuffs at d moment but it wld b lyk adding fuel to d already raging fire. so i juz kept quiet. n im keeping quiet now. in case u duno, im quite a quiet person by nature. hey i think it ryhmes. i prefer to observe rather den act it out. i prefer to sit at one corner n analyse ppl's behaviour. its juz me. i think its d way im brought up. always overshadowed by my sis demand of being in the center of attraction. i wld prefer to gif in den fight it out wif her. but sometimes being d way i am is boring. dat's y i strive on challenge, touch gifs me the edge. im craving for freedom at d moment. freedom nt in d sense of being to go home late. i wld love to go overseas n explore the world. wld love to quit my course n try another course n do it over n over n over again. i dun wan to stop short at juz architecture. im greedy. i noe, greedy for knowledge. but der is this thing called money. cant enjoy dat freedom cos shortage of money, age, responsibilities n my beliefs.
well im cooling dwn now. shld i go n shldn i? wif tis hair colour. lol. i wonder wat wld my aunt say.
im kind of tired after yest episode. lol
trg was good, finally..
went home from tamp, kind of sick going home by myself, cand n vic was a good company, nt forgetting cherry n gaya. lol candy was such a sweetie for accompanying me to eat. thanks babe. anyway i took a stupid wrg bus home. lol wasted my time, money n my slping time. reached home bt 11+. n thanks 4 being concerned vick ;P
learnt alot of stuffs yest *grin* lol. i hope dat someone is still nt fussed abt d complicated stuffs eh, tho i noe it's nt really over. dun wan b a kaypoh, juz concerned bt my darl one...
im suppose to go wif chester today, no plans yet. m still tired. bah my poor baby cousin juz fell frm the bed n im partly blame for it. y? i dunno. its amazing to c someone wld actually lied to cover themselves up. n it usually works cos dey much older(tho nt really in dis case). im juz pissed. i hate ppl shouting arnd as tho dey r blamed at all. i get fed up when ppl get worked up for a small issue. nw i really feel lyk getting out of d hse. i really really really hate chaotic situation. juz show no order.y cant some ppl b calm n i beluf dats d best way to send msg across.pity my bro cos he's feeling so stressed up nw.wat's done cant b undone. bah. stupid thing. i get blamed 4 no reason. wth.
finally fiza update her blog tho i cant say much bt aish. her blog seems dead. i've got to add this, fiza was mean to me today. wat's wrg wif hitting high notes heh? dun u tink this song is nice? lol i lyk the song, dreaming of you by selena, its so lovely. i cant stop singing to it.
niway today's fun. wif all the darls arnd. n today's shereen's 2 yr anni, 12 august. dat's long n mine's coming. haha hope it'll last till den. it seems lyk all d couple dat i noe dat was going to 2 yr had a tiff for quite sometime. probably mine wont happen dat way cos i quarrel wif ches almost everyday.hmm k nt almost lah, its pratically everyday. lol.
i seem to haf this terrible pain in my tummy. it hurts all the time n i haf nt eaten a proper meal, juz fruits. juz dun haf d appetite. it hurts alot. wonder wat can it be.
trg was good, finally..
went home from tamp, kind of sick going home by myself, cand n vic was a good company, nt forgetting cherry n gaya. lol candy was such a sweetie for accompanying me to eat. thanks babe. anyway i took a stupid wrg bus home. lol wasted my time, money n my slping time. reached home bt 11+. n thanks 4 being concerned vick ;P
learnt alot of stuffs yest *grin* lol. i hope dat someone is still nt fussed abt d complicated stuffs eh, tho i noe it's nt really over. dun wan b a kaypoh, juz concerned bt my darl one...
im suppose to go wif chester today, no plans yet. m still tired. bah my poor baby cousin juz fell frm the bed n im partly blame for it. y? i dunno. its amazing to c someone wld actually lied to cover themselves up. n it usually works cos dey much older(tho nt really in dis case). im juz pissed. i hate ppl shouting arnd as tho dey r blamed at all. i get fed up when ppl get worked up for a small issue. nw i really feel lyk getting out of d hse. i really really really hate chaotic situation. juz show no order.y cant some ppl b calm n i beluf dats d best way to send msg across.pity my bro cos he's feeling so stressed up nw.wat's done cant b undone. bah. stupid thing. i get blamed 4 no reason. wth.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
finally i can progress...
haha okay it turns out my hair is nt dat bad.finally fiza update her blog tho i cant say much bt aish. her blog seems dead. i've got to add this, fiza was mean to me today. wat's wrg wif hitting high notes heh? dun u tink this song is nice? lol i lyk the song, dreaming of you by selena, its so lovely. i cant stop singing to it.
niway today's fun. wif all the darls arnd. n today's shereen's 2 yr anni, 12 august. dat's long n mine's coming. haha hope it'll last till den. it seems lyk all d couple dat i noe dat was going to 2 yr had a tiff for quite sometime. probably mine wont happen dat way cos i quarrel wif ches almost everyday.hmm k nt almost lah, its pratically everyday. lol.
i seem to haf this terrible pain in my tummy. it hurts all the time n i haf nt eaten a proper meal, juz fruits. juz dun haf d appetite. it hurts alot. wonder wat can it be.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
i look lyk a poser jap girl. period.
i juz got back from kimage. had my hair highlighted n cut. well the guy was super nice, his name is Aaron(i din ask him but saw it) n he was from sp. shereen think he's cool. sorry dear, i was juz conversing wif him cos i was darn bored.i sat der for 2 freaking hrs n here i am wif a new hairstyle. seriously i think i look lyk some poser. nevertheless im happy. lol aaron tot im some sec kid. if dat was a tactic to make me do treatment well i think he failed.
hmm the colour is nice but my hair!!! lol god help me. its a retribution. im gonna juz tie my hair up or prob juz avoid everyone n nt come to skool.
bah i've gt diarrhea, must b from aish. n i belif one of the symptoms is having weak knees. my knees was hurting eversince i got on d train frm outram. or probably i got rheumatism? im such a paranoid girl. my middle name is paranoia but i hope it'll juz go away.
dat's all. i wanna wash my hair n hope it'll wash away the bird nest.
niway i miss dr yap...
i juz got back from kimage. had my hair highlighted n cut. well the guy was super nice, his name is Aaron(i din ask him but saw it) n he was from sp. shereen think he's cool. sorry dear, i was juz conversing wif him cos i was darn bored.i sat der for 2 freaking hrs n here i am wif a new hairstyle. seriously i think i look lyk some poser. nevertheless im happy. lol aaron tot im some sec kid. if dat was a tactic to make me do treatment well i think he failed.
hmm the colour is nice but my hair!!! lol god help me. its a retribution. im gonna juz tie my hair up or prob juz avoid everyone n nt come to skool.
bah i've gt diarrhea, must b from aish. n i belif one of the symptoms is having weak knees. my knees was hurting eversince i got on d train frm outram. or probably i got rheumatism? im such a paranoid girl. my middle name is paranoia but i hope it'll juz go away.
dat's all. i wanna wash my hair n hope it'll wash away the bird nest.
niway i miss dr yap...
trg was fine yest. seeing all the darlings again. but got to leave early cos i had alot of work to do dat needed to be complete by today. n i din really achieve dat, not really. juz finished one of the report, din finish the other. tot of doing it now. haha juz dump in all the info. haha the babes r coming to skool today. both still sick but yeah dey r coming.
im hungryyyyy, shld haf eaten all the butter cookies for the jar. lol.
i miss secondary skool, somehow. miss those mornings where i came super early arnd 6.30 n sat at the canteen wif nad. tok, crap, copy homework or juz munched on egg hotdog rolls wif mayo n chilli sauce. miss those time. nth in this world can buy those memories.
im hungryyyyy, shld haf eaten all the butter cookies for the jar. lol.
i miss secondary skool, somehow. miss those mornings where i came super early arnd 6.30 n sat at the canteen wif nad. tok, crap, copy homework or juz munched on egg hotdog rolls wif mayo n chilli sauce. miss those time. nth in this world can buy those memories.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
haha after watching king arthur, i kind of agree wif fiza dat hairy men are sexy!
juz look at clive owen n ioan gruffudd!!
i adore ioan gruffud!! darn he's very cute n macho.. lol
n clive owen is so manly wif dat voice.
k i actually watched this show weeks ago. juz got crazy bt dem today cos i was busy to few wks ago.
erm in case ur wondering, Clive Owen -> King Arthur n Ioan Gruffudd -> Lancelot
muahaha
juz look at clive owen n ioan gruffudd!!
i adore ioan gruffud!! darn he's very cute n macho.. lol
n clive owen is so manly wif dat voice.
k i actually watched this show weeks ago. juz got crazy bt dem today cos i was busy to few wks ago.
erm in case ur wondering, Clive Owen -> King Arthur n Ioan Gruffudd -> Lancelot
muahaha
morning
nt a very good morning for me. duno y.. probably cos i was rushing for skool. feeling very lazy n my dear babes r nt in skool. bored. nw im left wif chester to entertain me. n im working on my timetable for my next submission. tough work. der is so many things to do. bah nt in a gd mood nw. hope trg will make it better.
nt a very good morning for me. duno y.. probably cos i was rushing for skool. feeling very lazy n my dear babes r nt in skool. bored. nw im left wif chester to entertain me. n im working on my timetable for my next submission. tough work. der is so many things to do. bah nt in a gd mood nw. hope trg will make it better.
Monday, August 09, 2004
life's unpredictable. i kind of pissed chester juz bcos of my inferiority. sorry dear.
im such a moody girl. must b the pms. i feel inferior to lotsa stuff. especially frens. peer pressure. im nt sure wat ppl perceive of me n i wld love to c hw ppl c me as i am. am i nerdy, dork, dope, kental, ugly or juz plain stupid? not sure of myself heh. i tink frenship is a weird thing. its based on different kind of things. if u click den voila u found a new fren if nt den yeah too bad. i've found a new fren frm itp n im glad we still do keep in contact n she's super duper nice. love her to bits. i belif its up to us to keep the frenship or not. n i belif i've done my part n still trying to. hope my frenship wif my frens last till whenever.
anyway i juz came back from esplanade wif my aunts n unc n of cos the two little ones. haha dey r darn adorable. saw some part of the fire works.beautiful but i can c the rest was kind of disappointed. well wat matter was dat ameera loved the sight of the huge fire works.hope to go again this sun n i wanna share it wif chester. wat i hated most was the trip coming back home. lots of bangla. irritating. being a mix of cina n malay doesnt help. i look lyk one hell of indo or a filipino. i remembered ro saying dat. how disappointing. lol got all the stares from the "bats". but i think dey love my sis more. lol remembered on one incident where one bangla got punched by my late grandpa. dat "kelawar" was following my sis arnd n my late grandpa was pretty pissed n punched the hell out of dat guy. lol. the price for being cheeky.
im such a moody girl. must b the pms. i feel inferior to lotsa stuff. especially frens. peer pressure. im nt sure wat ppl perceive of me n i wld love to c hw ppl c me as i am. am i nerdy, dork, dope, kental, ugly or juz plain stupid? not sure of myself heh. i tink frenship is a weird thing. its based on different kind of things. if u click den voila u found a new fren if nt den yeah too bad. i've found a new fren frm itp n im glad we still do keep in contact n she's super duper nice. love her to bits. i belif its up to us to keep the frenship or not. n i belif i've done my part n still trying to. hope my frenship wif my frens last till whenever.
anyway i juz came back from esplanade wif my aunts n unc n of cos the two little ones. haha dey r darn adorable. saw some part of the fire works.beautiful but i can c the rest was kind of disappointed. well wat matter was dat ameera loved the sight of the huge fire works.hope to go again this sun n i wanna share it wif chester. wat i hated most was the trip coming back home. lots of bangla. irritating. being a mix of cina n malay doesnt help. i look lyk one hell of indo or a filipino. i remembered ro saying dat. how disappointing. lol got all the stares from the "bats". but i think dey love my sis more. lol remembered on one incident where one bangla got punched by my late grandpa. dat "kelawar" was following my sis arnd n my late grandpa was pretty pissed n punched the hell out of dat guy. lol. the price for being cheeky.
morning. national day uh n im wearing red! haha im feeling so lazy. i ought to alot of stuffs. i tink i'll start wif cleaning my room, it makes me feel good n den proceed to all the paper worksssssssss...
im so glad i've got good frenz arnd me. thanks peeps. yeah nad, i hope things will b fine.
miss our time! those westlife n westleev..i bet ur over it but hope it remains at the back of ur head *wink*
okay i got to do something now. feeling restless.. n yeah my mum thanked me cos she's feeling abit better. aint dat good? haha
im so glad i've got good frenz arnd me. thanks peeps. yeah nad, i hope things will b fine.
miss our time! those westlife n westleev..i bet ur over it but hope it remains at the back of ur head *wink*
okay i got to do something now. feeling restless.. n yeah my mum thanked me cos she's feeling abit better. aint dat good? haha
Sunday, August 08, 2004
tired. the whole day been walking arnda baby on my tummy straining mua shoulder. i've gt a part time job. baby sit only cute babies. heh. haha bah im bored. my mum's doing gr8 tho she's bit shaky. i love her to bits.
Saturday, August 07, 2004
life is stressful. im sorry for being such a sorrowful bitch but dat's wat i've been feeling. my mum's nt getting well, nt at all. her feet is still swollen, she's nt feeling well, her appetite deteriorate n she's been getting fainting spell. argh i feel bad complaining it here n u peeps reading it but i cant keep it to myself, cant pour it out to my fam members. wth, wat is blog for?
argh im sad, fearful, terrified, confused, pathetic n useless. my unc mentioned an hr ago dat if my mum's condition is nt getting well, we juz got to b prepared for d worst. wat else can dat mean? the last time i lost someone precious to me, it was a huge blow. i kind of "ran" away from home for abt 6 mths. i stayed at my aunt hse. dat was my late grandma n i truly loved her alot. n despite the way my mum is, i admit she's very precious to me. im not bothered or angry dat she's nt lyk other mums, juz appreciate her the way she is n thankful she's my mum.
she cant cook, cant do normal stuffs n i dun even get extra allowance from her but yeah she gaf birth to me. so those hu got mums dat r perfectly normal, i advise to stop bitching bt her n b thankful. bah nw u guys think im a bitterful, angry girl.
i dunno hw to pour myself out, this feelings inside r juz der. so guys if i dun look too good or i appeared too arrogant, dun bother. i juz dun understand y crappy stuffs happen to my fam. seems lyk in my whole 19 yrs, i doubt i've any normal yrs. im nt accepting any pity from anyone. guess i lyk 2 b strong. inside n out. here i am pouring all my heart out. *slap myself* bah i gt to b positive.
n yah having a sis lyk mine dun help.
argh im sad, fearful, terrified, confused, pathetic n useless. my unc mentioned an hr ago dat if my mum's condition is nt getting well, we juz got to b prepared for d worst. wat else can dat mean? the last time i lost someone precious to me, it was a huge blow. i kind of "ran" away from home for abt 6 mths. i stayed at my aunt hse. dat was my late grandma n i truly loved her alot. n despite the way my mum is, i admit she's very precious to me. im not bothered or angry dat she's nt lyk other mums, juz appreciate her the way she is n thankful she's my mum.
she cant cook, cant do normal stuffs n i dun even get extra allowance from her but yeah she gaf birth to me. so those hu got mums dat r perfectly normal, i advise to stop bitching bt her n b thankful. bah nw u guys think im a bitterful, angry girl.
i dunno hw to pour myself out, this feelings inside r juz der. so guys if i dun look too good or i appeared too arrogant, dun bother. i juz dun understand y crappy stuffs happen to my fam. seems lyk in my whole 19 yrs, i doubt i've any normal yrs. im nt accepting any pity from anyone. guess i lyk 2 b strong. inside n out. here i am pouring all my heart out. *slap myself* bah i gt to b positive.
n yah having a sis lyk mine dun help.
Friday, August 06, 2004
okay my mum's sugar is low again n its pretty darn low. she din haf any strength to get up n she insisted on slping. it was terrifying at first, seeing my mum in dat situation, feared dat if she continued to slp, she might nt wake up again. but yeah she woke up, dun worry folks. she's slping soundly now.
she's nt happy, she haven been happy this few days.she no longer teases us, no longer amuse herself, no laughter. argh, my heart is broken.
few things dat i gt to remind myself,
1. make sure her meals are full, tend to eat little
2. make her laff?
3. check her sugar content regularly
4. dun tink too much.period
nw im tinking, wat to do. i dun really haf any mood to do anything. been stoning n its 6. 20 am.
thus dat explain y im sitting in front of comp n typing tis entry.
i feel lyk slapping myself, juz 4 d fun of it. c hw i gonna react. cant seem to slp.
been thinking, how lucky am i despite d situation im in nw. my late grandma was generous n kind, it seems dat she taught her children well. my uncs n aunts seem to b taking care of me n my fam well. i've gt shelter, food, money, education n clothes. im feeling those grateful moments. i wonder where i wld b without dem. for e.g few mins ago, my unc was genuinely concerned bt my mum n well my mum wld only listen to my uncs n aunts n sometime me or my sis. its good having dem arnd.
im tired, need to catch some slp. den start on my work again. this song is one of my fav songs.
Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me?
Will I shake this off...pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is
There Is by Box Car Racer. cheerioz
she's nt happy, she haven been happy this few days.she no longer teases us, no longer amuse herself, no laughter. argh, my heart is broken.
few things dat i gt to remind myself,
1. make sure her meals are full, tend to eat little
2. make her laff?
3. check her sugar content regularly
4. dun tink too much.period
nw im tinking, wat to do. i dun really haf any mood to do anything. been stoning n its 6. 20 am.
thus dat explain y im sitting in front of comp n typing tis entry.
i feel lyk slapping myself, juz 4 d fun of it. c hw i gonna react. cant seem to slp.
been thinking, how lucky am i despite d situation im in nw. my late grandma was generous n kind, it seems dat she taught her children well. my uncs n aunts seem to b taking care of me n my fam well. i've gt shelter, food, money, education n clothes. im feeling those grateful moments. i wonder where i wld b without dem. for e.g few mins ago, my unc was genuinely concerned bt my mum n well my mum wld only listen to my uncs n aunts n sometime me or my sis. its good having dem arnd.
im tired, need to catch some slp. den start on my work again. this song is one of my fav songs.
Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me?
Will I shake this off...pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is
There Is by Box Car Racer. cheerioz
Thursday, August 05, 2004
heh. i think i wanna get this adidas brown bag 4 my baby. nice n he lyks it. haha funny incident juz happened 5 mins ago. pencil lead entered chester's eye n super woman fiza took it out!! yay hip hip hurray for fiza *grin*. haha okay.. i luv my darlingss... dey cheer me up too..
haha kk need to start brainstorming on my concept idea.. heh
haha kk need to start brainstorming on my concept idea.. heh
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
i've realised i shldnt b bothered bt this minor minor stuffs and my grammar was bad cos i was trembling when i wrote the previous piece n i cldnt think well. too bad if u've seen the bad part of the entry.
well at the end of the day, everything went well. i got in control of myself n i went to pick up my altered levi's jeans!!! ;) thanks dear for being such a sweetie. luv it to bits. dat made my day. saw vicki at suntec n city hall. haha my fren said ur pretty vicki! n yeah i agreed..
dat's all for today. the longest blog i've ever entered. sorry again if ur offended.
anyway class ended juz 5 mins ago, i shld b going to my next class.
well at the end of the day, everything went well. i got in control of myself n i went to pick up my altered levi's jeans!!! ;) thanks dear for being such a sweetie. luv it to bits. dat made my day. saw vicki at suntec n city hall. haha my fren said ur pretty vicki! n yeah i agreed..
dat's all for today. the longest blog i've ever entered. sorry again if ur offended.
sick
after sitting for almost two hours in this class, i've decided i am sick n i ought to make my way to the doctor. i dun want to get seriously ill and feel so sick.anyway class ended juz 5 mins ago, i shld b going to my next class.
sleepy. n i haf a feeling im falling sick. i've been coughing trying to get the phlegms out. n im having sorethroat. i dun 1 2 get infected wif dat urti thingy again. it seems dat my house seems to be infected wif lots of virus or probably its juz d weather. anyway thanks peeps for the concern. aprreciate it alot n thanks 4 understanding. :)
i think im gonna get my jeans later. chester bought it for me few daes ago n i got it altered cos im too short. dun grin ar fiza. thanks chester dearest for getting me d levi's jeans :)
anyway my class is starting soon...
i think im gonna get my jeans later. chester bought it for me few daes ago n i got it altered cos im too short. dun grin ar fiza. thanks chester dearest for getting me d levi's jeans :)
anyway my class is starting soon...
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
wat the hell. i cant even write the title. yeah today the site visit. hot but the places are cool.im tired, stressed,worrysome n been thinking. i left while i was at the second site. my mum fainted while she was abt to go for her diabetes appt. i was shocked when i received the fone call from my aunt. it seems sucky. im sorry for nt going trg. i had no choice. u dun noe how much a person can mean to b until u lose dat person. im appreciating my mum more now n hope she gets well soon and her diabetes will b under control. i can c she is going through a very horrible moment.
yeah anyway my aunt lent me her nokia 6820. how sweet. not a bad fone wif good features. appreciate my unc n my aunt for the simple tot. bah im seriously screwed up. my sis is not taking care of her health properly and n the doc think she got lung infection n she's nt taking all of her antibiotics!! dat worries me alot. and my bro too, *shakes my head*. heh.
on the brighter side, ameera cheer me up alot. she makes me smile when i need it. kids are wonderful.... rite fiza?...
yeah anyway my aunt lent me her nokia 6820. how sweet. not a bad fone wif good features. appreciate my unc n my aunt for the simple tot. bah im seriously screwed up. my sis is not taking care of her health properly and n the doc think she got lung infection n she's nt taking all of her antibiotics!! dat worries me alot. and my bro too, *shakes my head*. heh.
on the brighter side, ameera cheer me up alot. she makes me smile when i need it. kids are wonderful.... rite fiza?...
Monday, August 02, 2004
afternoon dearies...
feeling so good today. i like this song alot. makes me feel nice and warm. skool is great, somehow. except for dat feedback section. boring~ site visit tmr, to beach road & tanjong pagar. haha i hate n love to go site visit. hate bcos it's hot, no transport,got to carry our personal stuff everywhere we go and boring, love it cos it's out of skool, free to do anything and exciting!
my baby was nice to me today but he pissed me off for quite sometime! i detest it when he does dat. i've read somewhere dat a guy wld b writing his own death will if he attempts to make an aries girl jealous. hmmm mayb...one day * looking up n think of ideas*
skool ends early today, and probably dat's y im feeling so good. cant wait to go home n read book and relax n eat n play wif ameera. ahah amirul was darn adorable this morning. i shall upload some pics of my baby cousins, and fiza u can look at it all day long. especially amirul's *wink wink*
well got to go now. probably going somewhere n chill out wif chester.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
feeling so good today. i like this song alot. makes me feel nice and warm. skool is great, somehow. except for dat feedback section. boring~ site visit tmr, to beach road & tanjong pagar. haha i hate n love to go site visit. hate bcos it's hot, no transport,got to carry our personal stuff everywhere we go and boring, love it cos it's out of skool, free to do anything and exciting!
my baby was nice to me today but he pissed me off for quite sometime! i detest it when he does dat. i've read somewhere dat a guy wld b writing his own death will if he attempts to make an aries girl jealous. hmmm mayb...one day * looking up n think of ideas*
skool ends early today, and probably dat's y im feeling so good. cant wait to go home n read book and relax n eat n play wif ameera. ahah amirul was darn adorable this morning. i shall upload some pics of my baby cousins, and fiza u can look at it all day long. especially amirul's *wink wink*
well got to go now. probably going somewhere n chill out wif chester.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want